Friends, thank you for your support!

* This is a NOTE that these people are my good friend, not my boyfriend and girlfriend, just good friends!!!! Plus, I am 100% falling in love with MEN only!


It is so good to share the happiness with our friends, Johnson and Selina. We had been waiting for so long to have their banquet. Finally, it happened right before 2009. Good good good! That is also good to share the joyful time with good friend. Good to see Wilfred as he is very busy in the past months.

Have been asking myself... what love is... I guess... I have to learn 1st thing in 2009 is "HOW TO LOVE MYSELF". That is why I put up these pictures. Among all the pictures I took in J & S wedding, I mainly love these 2 pictures. I have to learn how to love myself and FIRST, I have to learn how to look at myself in a good way.

Thank you to Jeanie for telling me that I am fine... I have to learn how to love myself. Without her in the past years (8 years? or 9 years?), I guess I will not be able to that far "positive" thinkings.

Love is what? I still don't know. I am still searching for it. Hope I will be able to find it ASAP.

Thank you, friends! Happy New Year of 2009!!!!!

WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS

I wish you all a wonderful merry christmas.

For those who have nothing to do, please come to Zion Alliace church at 7:30pm tomorrow night. I will be singing on the stage with the choir! =)




聖誕快樂﹗﹗﹗﹗﹗﹗﹗

Tired from reality, Boy Jai, where are you?

Even I am deadly tired... I still miss you very much. I maybe getting tired of my life. Boy jai, I know you are being taken care of. I wish I can be like this too. Not too worry anything, just play, being attituded and relax.

X'mas time, this is 2nd year you left me. It is still painful. I still miss you. You always slept in the area where you could see me. Where are you now? I am missing you. I miss you just so so much...

Dec 3 2008: M & M!

I was late for this important day. I was bad... I didn't attend all my friend's weddings this year. Just only couple of them. One is v8, another one is them. Man and Mavis.
Good that I didn't miss the announcement of "Mr. & Mrs. Yan" So happy for them. Especially with Sit Mui's feather on her head and both bride and groom's Converse runners. They are just so cool!

Man again and again emphasized that they worked so hard to pick those "M & M" out... haahahaa! Man & Mavis! Yeah, babies!

Both of them are just so happy. Can't express in word. Talking about getting married in such short period of time... talking about preparing everything in such small group of people... talking about the way their wedding... They are just the coolest people I ever known!

Once again, Congrat! Sit Mui and Man man!

See you guys after coming back from Honey Moon!

Pressure + Work = Escape!!!

I tried so many times to tell myself EVERYTHING should be fine soon. I am very tired... I mean it. I need a break!!! Good to see a new generation like the gal I was hugging. She gave up her birthday present and donated all the money to World Vision. She might not know where the money went to, but for sure her money would helped the people in poverty.

Tiring makes me thinking stupid. Whenever I think stupid, I think of my family. One of the most important person is my Dad. This is not a clear picture, but good enough to see how handsome my Dad is and how happy I am. When I look at this picture, I am so happy. Nice HK night and happy father and daughter. Dad, I miss you.

After my boss fired my colleauge, I had been very frustrated. There were so many things to do and I just didn't know how to start and how to stop!!!! I was so tired this morning. I arrived work at 8am and non-stop working till 6:30pm. My brain couldn't function anymore, and I told myself I had to escape that place. Not that I disliked my work, just too many things to do. I just couldn't stand it anymore...

If there is a chance, I really want to head back to nature. I want to FLY!!! I want to leave the town!!!!

Tsui Pei (died on Nov 23 2008)

His name was "Tsui pei" (cruchy skin). Named by ta ta B. He was one kind LOVE BIRD!

Have you ever see a bird have so many posts????? What the....?

Too bad, he flied away to the BIGGER WORLD!....

Tsui Pei, miss you "queeking" sound. I did tried to find you. I heard you, but I didn't know where you were ... I walked around and around in the neighbourhood... just couldn't find you.

see you in Rainbow bridge.

Guy Guy...

Dearest guy guy gor gor,

After I heard the news, I have been shocked inside me. I really do have the mixed feeling.

I still remembered that mom told me how much you cared me when we were little. You were holding my hands and playing together at your house. I didn't have a lot of memories about you, but Mom told me you just loved me so much. Cared about me a lot, that was why mom and dad loved you very much as well...

After 20s something years, I had a chance to find out where you were, but things changed. we both grew up. Your Mom came to visit Canada and accidentally bumped to my mom. They were reunion and your mom told me you were in HK and enjoying your life. I was happy for you. I couldn't remember how you looked like, but just remembered the Blurry image of you. During that time, both mothers talked about your health issues. Due to your religion, you won't be able to do any blood transferration. My mom started to worry about you, so did I. The only thing I could do was emailed you, supported you from another side of the world.

Things turned miracle, you got your surgery without any blood transfer, at the same time, you were healing. I was so happy for you. Then I went back HK to work and finally I had a chance to meet you after 20s years. You were changed, and I was changed. We both had a very different grow up background. I still remembered that we went to have "snake" you told me that your mom forced you to have NO MEAT! You were tortured. I could told how much you love MEAT! I missed you so much, and I talked to you a bit and you promised me that you would buy me a better meal next time.

Then I went back Canada. HK was not a place for me. Before I left, I sms you and you asked me to take care.

I seldom met you on MSN. You were busy travelling and having fun. I guessed you knew you had your limited time. I didn't stop you, but just asked you to be very careful, especially you went to Japan by yourself. You promised me that you would took me there when I went back HK.

2007 Summer, you emailed me and said you wanted to talk to me. Sorry, guy guy, I was not in a mood. I gave you some BS excuse and ignored you. Then I talked to you couple time on MSN, but you were either busy going out or didn't want to talk (weak body).

Until... this morning... Mom told me you passed away this summer. I was shocked. I had mixed feeling. I didn't cry, bcoz I didn't know how to.

guy guy, I guessed I would meet you in the heaven. You have to take care of yourself. I am sure you have so much fun up there. You didn't feel pain, you could do whatever you want!

I really do miss you, Anthony, guy guy gor gor. miss you just so much... can't express it out...

Rest in Peace, ok?

Love,
Percy

Reality

Sad = tears, sad face, quiet

Happy = Smiles, happy face, fun

The sky becomes so grey and I am still looking for the "First Light"... Sometimes just doesn't imply these into our reality. Watch it. be careful.

Funeral Part I

today, I have been thinking and thinking about my funeral program lately.

Don't worry, I just want to plan ahead and didn't want to burden my family.

My funeral shouldn't be BIG, I want to make it simple. It should be including the following:

One of my videos (the regular short one)
Song:
The March with Percy (It was made by Vivian and other fellowship friends), Thanks!
Speech by Benny
Speech by Chris Tam
Speech by King & Ka Ho
Thank You notes by Percy (announced it by Mavien Yip)

I want everyone write a short note to me and collected it by Jeanie Tam. Jeanie will need to scarpbooking for me and give it to my family.

The actual program, I would like to have my fellowship people coordinate with my dearest mentor, Chris Tam.

To be continued...

Evaluation of the Concert

Things I think I did good:

Relationship with the Venue (So whatever I asked, they will provide it and without giving us extra costs)
Site Check (backstage; volunteer room)
Routes for the Volunteers
Provided what backstage needed
Rearranged some experienced Volunteers to take over some important roles

Things I think I did bad:

The Control of the Volunteers
Walkie Talkie usages
Booths setup (Be ware of the far off sides, maynot need tables)
Communicate with Paul (need to be firm on something before the show)
Arranged the mealboxes to backstage (didn't give enough instructions to Security, end up Dancers had the mealboxes earlier than the band crews)

Awkful WEEK, need to relax!

Last week was "brutal". I lost my voice, then I had a cold, flu, fever ... and end up... I couldn't believe that I had Pnemania!!! What the heck?

I was very difficult to breath. Pretty hard to understand what exact happened end up like this.

But don't worry, things get better!

Try to clam down myself from illness to take more rest and rest and rest.

Then I found the following from my portable drive:

This is a very nice picture... I really like this...

Then, I found this... I was shocked!!!! and a drop of sweat came down from the side of my forehead.

Then, I found this... I realized I shouldn't find anymore "PICTURE" Folder from Named "KA HO's folder".... *sigh* ... I want to faint! and I am going to CHOKE him badly tonite.

Speechless

Whole day. I can't speak "LOUD".

I hurt my throat. I choose NOT to speak. I have a very sore throat... If I want to talk, I am sure I can, but it seems like it is not a good sign for LONG term!

Anyway, I will continue the speechless for another day. I need to reserve my throat. The event is coming up. I can't lose like this.

Smile can cover everything...

This is taken back in 2004. I don't remember where I was.

My main problem is , I think too much. Please not let me think too much as I am really sensitive.
I am trying to be happy, but can't really do it. So... I only know "Smile" to cover my saddness.

God, please help me! Be patience and be loved.

new Life

Telling myself how unique I am
Telling myself how special I am
Telling myself how important I am
Telling myself how funny I am
Telling myself how sincere I am
Telling myself how supportive I am
Telling myself how nice I am
Telling myself how good I am



But...


doesn't matter, Myself is not agreed...



First thing I need to do: Love my heavenly father
Second thing I need to do: Love myself like how my father loves me.

so how should I love myself? start from the apperance. start wearing make ups, and do a lot of exercises... as much as possible.

Monday: Gym
Tuesday: Choir
Wednesday: Gym + Swimming
Thursday: Gym
Friday: Scout + Fellowship
Sat: Gym + dogs @ off leash park
Sun: Church + exercise

Wow! what a life. busy life... *sigh* ... doesn't matter how much I want to love myself. I am sure God is teaching me how to do so. He has the Plan.

sleepless night (1)

It's 5:30am.

What the heck? in this sleepless night. what am I thinking?

I am waiting for you to show up in my life, but where are you now?

Oh My~~~!!!! Sleepless nite drives me crazy!
Where are you?
When is the chance I can meet you?
How should I find you? or you are looking for me as well?
Dam!!! It's 5:45am... can't believe I am still awake. I have a long day tomorrow...

Not miss you anymore. I have changed...

When I already went to the bottom of the hopeless valley. I had no more emotion towards anything related to you.
When I already dwelled myself, I became speechless.
When I already missed you too much, I also learned how NOT to miss you that much.

I realized that I got used to the lonely feeling.
I realized that I still have a little bit dignity inside me.
I realized that I couldn't have a chance to be your gal.

Then, why bother? why so serious?

But..


I am a very serious person. I will not treat relationship as "GAME". There will not have any secret. Anyway, I will give you a call, Lord. I have no more energy physically and mentally.

Anyway, talke to you later... very late...

Think Great Thoughts..

Think Great Thoughts:
True --> "Is this True"?
Honorable --> "Does this honr God and reflect his purposes for me?"
Right --> "Is this right or wrong?"
Pure --> "Am I thinking on things that are pure and holy?"
Lovely --> "Is my mind filled with beauty?"
Of good repute --> "are these thoughts fit for God's hearing?"
Anyting of excellence and worthy of praise --> "Anything that has moral excellence, motivates us to godly behavior, or encourages others to walk with God?"

Learning to think great thoughs is a constant lifelong process:
Think great thoughts about God
Think great thoughts about yourself
Think great thoughts about others
Think great thoughts about life
Think great thoughts about the future
Think great thoughts about the past
Think great thoughts about challenges

What do you think? Good that I am reading this.... Good good...

Percy, Go Go Go!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Power of Patience...

I don't want to drive this morning due to the pain from the back. called in to explain that I will work at home.

I did my devotion this morning, the title was "The power of Patience".
Galatians 5:16-24

Why is it that patience evaporates when we are late for a critical engagement?

"Being forced to wait ratchets up the stress and shortens our fuse. When that happens, we not only fail to be patient but we undercut the Spirit's work in our lives."

God is a patient God. When we abandon patience we miss the opportunity to show our world the glory of God through our lives.

I am learning... I am trying...

messy blog writings... will change soon! (hopefully)

I am very Sorry. I have been so messed up in the past months. Hope I will be able to write something better in the future. Sorry... Sorry.

So many things are in my head now... Just let me curl my hair for awhile. I will be able to think of something later on. Please wait... if you ever can think of something want to ask me... please leave me a message... Go Go Go!!!! =)

Unsure obstacles...

I am very unsure about what is ahead. I can't see the end... seems so difficult to reach the end point. I am trying to look further... still... I am scared... I don't know what is coming from the front... I am trying to tell myself, "NOT TO BE AFRAID!", but how?

I don't know how to deal with the upcoming obstacles... I am not good at facing the challenges... I guess I am just too coward to do so...

But, yeah... no matter how much I don't want to, I still have to go for the way.

I can't be afraid, bcoz I don't have a chance.

I can't be cried, bcoz a lot of people are following me.

Am I on the boat alone?

Am I preparing what I need?

Am I being brave enough to handle what is coming up?

I am confused. I am lost.

PS: BUT, Don't think too much! Never promise the road is smooth! need to go over the rough part in order to sharpen myself!!!!! Go Go Go!!!!

Feeling of you = different types of tea...

When I meet you, I feel like I am drinking a big glass of original bubble tea.

Big = can drink longer;

cold = feeling so good and summer;

tapioca = some excitments from the original drink

Don't need anything fancy, but keep the original so I can keep the memories as simple as possible.

When I see you with other gals, I am feeling of a bottle of red wine.

Red Wine: not everyone likes it. not everyone can have it. It tastes a bit bitter, but also some sweet in it. Can't drink fast, take it slowly, one sip at a time... Also, don't put any anger while tasting the wine. the more anger you have, the bitter you will get. Take it as a challenge. If you are the wine person, no matter how bad it is, it's yours.

When I think of you without you physicallyt. I am feeling I am drinking normal tea.

It tastes bitter, but nothing can compare with this original taste.

Even I have bitter feeling when I see you with other gals, I am still happy to see you. I mean I really happy to see you. I am feeling that I am drinking a pot of sweet tea chinese tea.

It's warm. It's sweet and it's something I am training myself. Learning how to find the happiness in the bitter period.

Please take a look at me. I am here!! I am here... watching you, looking at you and observing you... Please don't judge me by my apperance only? please take a look at inside me. I can't be changed bcoz of you, but I would like to see if we have a chance or not.

Take care of yourself. I am worried about you.

I miss you...

Drink doesn't change the fact...

I need a drink. A drink which can cool me down from the anger. A drink which can take off my unhappy mindset. This drink is actually a confrontation drink. After I drank tihs botth, I felt so dizzy... ...
To be honest, I don't really wanna cry. Especially with such GREAT firends. Tears made me update.
I do feel so tired... physicalloy and metnally???

Stoneman was being lonely and sitting on the rock. I felt so pitty about it.

The View of LIFE

Life is too short to wake up with regrets.

So love the people who treat you right.

Love the ones who don't just because you can.

Believe everything happens for a reason.

If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands.

If it changes your life, let it.

Kiss slowly.

Forgive quickly.

God never said life would be easy.

He just promised it would be worth it.

My heart is torning apart...

Dear God,
Over the weekend, you keep telling me that I have to learn how to love you, and how to love myself, then I will know how to love. My heavenly father, how long do I need to wait? Please forgive me that I don't know how to love you, and love myself. I just don't have the motive to do so. Please let me know, my LORD.

I am very sad that I like him, but he doesn't like me. It is a typical result. I am trying NOT to accept the truth, but the fact is he doesn't even look at me. He keeps the distance with me. He is away from me. He just doesn't know I am existing. My LORD, you told me that I have to find a Christian. He is not yet, but even he is... he will go for what he is looking for and ignoring me. That is sad. That is heart breaking...

I was looking at the lake in Killarney. It was still water with some ripples. I tried to quiet all down for you. I wanted to listen to you, but my heart was torning apart and I just couldn't help to listen to you carefully. Please forgive me. I believe you are healing me. Whenever I felt upset, you sent angels around me.

When will my "he" come to me? Is he even existed? Maybe you want me to have single life? My heavenly father, I am struggling... I am curious and uncertainty. Am I really this bad that no one even look at me once?

My Lord, please help me. please give me advise on such silly thing. Should I give him up? or should I keep waiting? maybe end up he is not the one... right? I am sad... you know how picky I am. I don't wanna wait. I don't wanna WAIT.... please forgive my stupidty. I am praying in the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen.

My Heavenly Father, please lead me...

孩子：我的天父，可否讓我好好地談戀愛？

孩子：不再流淚，不再傷痛，不再聚合又要分開？

孩子：我的天父，我只想要安穩地找個人來愛，

孩子：請讓我知道，那個人在不在？

天父：我的孩子，難道您忘記了我就是愛？

天父：學懂愛我，學懂愛您自己，您就懂好好戀愛。

天父：我的孩子，何不嘗試安靜的慢慢去等待。

天父：您就會知道，那個人在不在。

天父：您是否願意相信，每時每刻都在我手裡，

孩子：願意相信，

合：沒有事情是太早或是太遲。

天父：願意相信，

孩子：愛我的主，我願意相信，萬事萬物都在的手裡 ，

天父：我教您順服，我的旨意。 孩子：請教我順服，你的旨意。

What about my "SMILE"?

Being a friend, you don't need to say a lot. By using body langauge shows a lot of stuffs.

When I look at this picture, intensionally, I like the way I look. Especially the way I "Smile".

Do you know what was I thinking? heheheehe! let me know. send me the email. -)


PS: this is my friend, Pedro with the cartoon look.

... ... ...

I am being so shy when I see you.

I am being so happy when I meet you.

You may know how I feel, but to be honest, I am so scared that you reject me.

I am afraid to lose a friend, but I cross my finger to have you by God.

How come just be friend to me??
How come just be nice to me??

An Encouragement Message! Please read!

I have been praying to God for guidiance. How to handle my manager? How to communicate with my leader? How to balance the work and my life? I have been struggle on something that I can't handle. I keep asking God whether HE will be able to let me know what my next step is.

Then, I received an email from Sandy. Please take a look at the following:
PS: SanSan, I am very appreciated about it. God was talking to me thru your email. Love you always, San!

If you think you are unhappy, look at them

If you think your salary is low, how about her?

If your society is unfair to you, how about her?
If you complain about your transport system, how about them?
If you think you suffer in life, do you suffer as much as he does?
When you feel like giving up, think of this man
If you think you don't have many friends...

Enjoy life how it is and as it comes Things are worse for others and is a lot better for us. There are many things in your life that will catch your eye but only a few will catch your heart....pursue those...

God grant me the SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, the COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowlege him and he will make straight your paths. PROVERBS 3:5-6

Take it easy and be a happy gal!!!!