I kissed dating goodbye

After the broke up with Jason, I went out with Fred for a while. I was not too sure what I really wanted. I thought it was not fair to Fred to be the rebounce. I called off the relationship, but I still kept pretty good relationship with Fred. Good Relationship as friend, as well as good female friend sometimes. He treated me very nice but I really didn't think I knew what I was doing.

I prayed to my LORD and asked for direction. He ended the relationship between Fred and me and I stopped dating since then. I tried to look for the better relationship, not too sure if I was too scared to hurt others or being hurt. Just can't showing my love or giving the right signals to others. I re-read the book named "I kissed dating goodbye" again. ( I actually didn't finish the book yet) The author wrote some major points that I wanted to say them out but not too sure what words I should used. I started to learn how to be a christian who GOD wants. I started to pray to LORD to find the right one for me, so I don't need to look around. I hope everything should come out smooth, bcoz it is hold by GOD.

I lost one of the chance, the guy I like he has a gf now. I do have some single males... but I am afraid to have further relationship with anyone of them. However, I started to build myself a wall. A wall between my male friends (those I think they have potential to be my bf.) and me. I don't know what I should talk, but I am thinking to set up the barrier in between.

It is not fair for myself, but I do think it is one of the good way to protect myself. I guess the best thing is to open my heart. Oh well... If 'he' is the one, GOD will show HIS way. What do you think?

Aplastic Anemia

Do you know what Aplastic Anemia? It is a fatal disorder disease in Bone marrow. This disease cause no production of white blood cell, red blood cell and platelet...

My lovely Boy jai has it now... eventually, either he will put to sleep soon, or he may be able to get better (1% chance? I guess). I don't know what I want to write.... but I really want to leave a Blog about it.

It is not genetic problem, but I guess from some kind of Virus. I have been asking myself, "why is Boy jai?" He did so many good things to human.

*He entertained 5 Kau Gung when Kau Gung came to our house. Boy Jai loved Kau gung. He was crying after I told him Kau Gung passed away.
*He was my partner when Jason (my ex) went out with his friends. He listened to me. He followed me. He made me felt important.
*He made me walking more than I wanted to. KEEP FIT with me.
*He passed the exam to be the therapy dog. He likedto meet people. It seemed like he didn't know what he was doing, but he felt comfortable to let others pet him.
*He kept company with Cookie, share his home with Cookie and let Cookie pick on him. He understood he needed to love Cookie.
*He stayed around my mom when my mom didn't know how to deal with him.
*He was very good with children.
*He is the GIFT from God.

Dear God,
Please give me strength to take extra care of Boy Jai. He is sick right now. I need the power. Not that I want to heal him myself, but you heal him... You are the power of the nature... I am sure you can heal him. I praised the Lord that you lead my way...on how to take care of Boy Jai. I miss him already...Please take care of boy jai and me. I know I will need your healing from the broken heart. I am praying in the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen.

Open my eyes and let me see what I need to see...

Dear Lord,

Give me a pure heart and a wise mind, that I may carry out my work according to your will. Save me from all false deires, from pride, greed, envy and anger, and let me accept joyfully every task you set before me. Let me seek to serve the poor, the sad and those unable to work. Help me to discern honestly my own gifts that I may do the things of which I am capable, and hppily and humbly leave the rest to others. Above all, remind me constantly that I have nothing except what you give me, and can do nothing except what you enable me to do.

~Jacob Boehme (1575 - 1624), shoemaker and mystic

Sorry for copying others' work as mine. I really like this prayer!!!! I just can't leave my eyes off the paragraph. I am having a BIG BATTLE inside me to fight over what is right and what is wrong. Why Do I need to worry that much? Being Silly...

Perz

暫時共你沒緣份

煉金術
作曲 / 編曲 / 監製 ： 伍樂城 @ RNLS
作詞 ： 黃偉文

給我一團熊火 試煉我 證明我這麼狠狠愛過
期望不多 只要得到過 你身旁 那寶座
給我一場洪水 冷靜我 眼淚太多已匯聚成河
力竭聲嘶請你喜歡我 什麼事都做過 都不能感動你麼
*原來暫時共你沒緣份 來年先會變得更合襯
頑石哪天變黃金 我可以等 融合二人是哪樣成份
但願虔誠能顯得吸引 用五十年溶化你 成就 金禧一吻*

不夠激情仍可靠耐性 對付你的冷酷及無情
沉默假使都算種本領 我一定 最安靜
深信忠誠遲會獲勝 那份固執終於都會被尊敬
如煉金般等你先轉性 除非遺失人性
怎可能一直結冰 Repeat *

頭白了 還在等 情人預約在黃昏
原來暫時共你沒緣份 來年先會變得更合襯
期待再苦再難堪 我都會忍
談情十年未晚不怕等
渡日如年仍覺得興奮
若最後能溶化你 何用 心急手震

It really hurts

This is how I feel tonight. Very hard to pass the night. When I am guiding the guy I like to chase another girl...

我真的受傷了 張學友
作詞：王菀之　作曲：王菀之

窗外陰天了　音樂低聲了　
我的心開始想你了
燈光也暗了　音樂低聲了　
口中的棉花糖也融化了
窗外陰天了　人是無聊了　
我的心開始想你了
電話響起了　你要說話了　
還以為你心裡對我又想念了
怎麼你聲音變得冷淡了　
是你變了　是你變了
燈光熄滅了　音樂靜止了　
滴下的眼淚已停不住了
天下起雨了　人是不快樂　
我的心真的受傷了

I feel good

I finally felt how important I was to some people. I went to work and told my boss and my colleauges that I wouldn't be able to help them out for tonight's event. What else could I do? They didn't say anything, but I myself felt that they really needed me there. Even it was not my project, I didn't mind to help them out. I felt guilty by not helping them out. So I told them I would went down there for site checking. They showed me the smile and were very impressed. I knew it was bad, but didn't know that was so bad.

I went down there, started to pick up what I needed to know and what I had to do. I talked to production team, and managed the operation team. I knew my senior was trying his best to do his job. It was just not his job, do you know what I mean?

I tried to tell them what they had to concern, looked at the watch and realized I was late for Scout (again). I ran out of "Hummingbird Center" and got in subway right the way. I was very tired because there was no time for me to rest. Things were not getting better, traffic jam. Oh well, not the bad one. I went to Richmond Green. I saw so many people there. They were so happy and having fun to eat. I was happy. I was flowing around and chit chatted with the parents, and kids. I loved them very much.

Finally, I could went back to fellowship. Not the bad idea, but I think should be good to have the sense of feeling again. Good to see those familiar faces and once again, I could got closed to GOD again.... How wonderful it was.

Things would get better. I will be patience and see. In the meantimes, I will try my best to look for jobs. I need the new one. I am very tired and hope everyone would understand what happened to me was very challenge in my life.

I really wanted to get away. HOpe everything should be OK.... I miss the days I was free.

Perz

This is the way I am protecting myself...

Some of my friends told me that I am not attractive at all, because I don't act like a girl. Does that mean all the tom boys have to become lesbians, or being lonely till they die?

When people know me, some commons are the following:
"Percy? She is very strong!!"
"Percy? She acts like very man!! She voices out really like the leader!"
"Percy? She is not girlish at all! So loud! so mean! no sensitive enough to be a girlfriend..."

I keep asking myself why I have such an image in my friend's hearts? Ahhh!! I know, this is the way I protect myself from being hurt. I don't want anyone to hurt my feeling face to face, in person nor directly. This is very personal issue and I will take it more serious and personal. Am I really that strong? Strong enough to let people think I can handle any bad situation? Honestly, I am not strong! I am not brave. I act like this bcoz I have to, I need to, and I must be this way! Isn't it funny? a chicken-shit person acts like strong. How nasty about it.

I am not girlish enough, I am not! and I can't act like one. It can't pass my standard. Isn't it rediculous? I am sure my friends will freak out if they see the girlish Percy. Plus it is not weird at all. I guess it is very important to keep my attitude. I am not that out-going, I don't like to talk. (Can you believe it, but it actually am)

Being a guy, talks like guys, etc etc...these are the way I am protecting myself. From being human emotion rather than, no signed just package loh.

I am very sleep now. Good luck!
Percy Chan

I see people really

Percy

Am I too sensitive?

Dear you,

Things are getting better... I am still asking myself how I should treat you. As a friend? or as a person I like at this moment? I guess the most you treat me nice... the more sensitve I am to you.

you are not that far away.... but I just don't know why I can't talk to you. You convince me that I like my good friend... why is that? Good friend is good friend... It is different between friendship and Love relationship.

If you don't like me, please keep a distance from me. I don't like picking up the wrong signal. I don't like walking into the deadend. Not that I can't wait for the relationship I want, but I will rethink if I really getting this relationship as my true relationship? I still have a lot of doubt.

If you think I am too sensitive, please not to do something to get me too sensitive...

Percy

The weaker I am, the stronger I am!

Dear you,

Guess what?I have been working like crazy. Not that I want to get promote, but I really want to learn whatever I can. Things are not that bad, the more my co-ordinator doesn't work hard, the more things I learn from what I have right now.

I miss you very much. I tried to talk to you, but I really can't think of anything to talk to you. I felt cheap if I go look for you everyday. I tried not to do that... but you know what? I just can't pass my standard....

I really want to tell you that I need to that I miss you....

Percy (SLEEPY)

Boy Jai, Don't leave me like this...

When People know me, they will know my boy as well. My dog, Boy jai, was born in Guelph on 5th of October, 1998. He is 6 1/2 years now.

He had a very different liver than other dogs. He had liver failure once in 2003 and he just had another one last week. It was very sad to watch my boy's health going downhill without doing any good to him. can't help him at all. I just didn't know what I could do.

He went to emergency on May 21 (the day before my birthday), he was in very critical situation and it was very hard for me to leave him there. He bonded to me too closed.... I was not downtown person (I am still not) but it was the first time I went downtown 6 days in a row. It was really hard for me.

I guess he is getting better that is count, right? I know he may not be able to recover 100%, but stil have a chance to be a healthy dog. I praised to LORD to give my Boy jai back to me. I hope I know how to comfort him if anyhing happen again.

Percy