Dear God,
Would you tell me what it means by “friendship”? Why am I friend with him when he hurts me that much? Would you tell me why? Dear my heavenly father, would you tell me why it happened to me? Did I choose the wrong friend? Did I do it on purpose to torture myself??? How come he hurts me so much… and never say a SORRY to me…? Why he treats me like SHIT while I treasure his friendship so much? Why does he has to treat me like this??? Are you trying to prove anything….Are you trying to tell me how much you love me by sending this person to me…? Sorry… My Lord… please let me go back to you …. Please let me just leave his world… I don't know how much I can handle… I don't know how much I can bear with.
Please LORD … please help me… I have a lot of things to go through….. please guide me… I don't know if I can handle it well.. handle it right… please lead me… without you, I have no way to go…I have no place to stay…. Please forgive me how stupid I am… please forgive me how dumb I am…. Please forgive me … how weak I am. I am not willing to give up… but I am telling myself to give up. I am suck at work… I am dumb in friendship… I am no one in relationship… whatelse can I be?
(finished by crying out and hurting myself until I saw blood...)
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