Life in HK is hard... I don't like to come back at all...

I started to have a doubt about my role in World Vision. It is very difficult tasks! I mean... I really want to do the best I can, but I am being so careless and make a lot of my coworkers work harder. I feel so bad.

Life in HK is not easy.... I know it for LONG time...
Life in HK as a tourist is not easy either.... I want to spend some times with my family, my grandma, my "Long time no see" friends, my relatives...

But...
I still need to work (so demanding on work)
I still have problems on sleeping
I still have problems on staying awake
I still have NEED to get the work DONE!

What I need to do in HK??
Spend more time with por por
Spend more time with dad and mom, and King
Meet with "Long time no see" friends... after this time... may not be able to meet them anymore
Meet with people I want to see (some relatives)
Stay at home and re-taste my childhood

AHhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only have 10 more days. 10 MORE DAYS! Leaving on Feb 10th. Then .... difficult journey begins! (or already began?)

*please don't push me anymore... I will go crazy....!!!!! Yeah... Alice, I am talking to you... I am so stressed by YOU. Stop pushing me ...

Nobody knows it but me

Nobody know it but me

“Yeah, wish I told her how I felt, maybe she’d be here right now, but instead…”

I pretend that I ‘m glad you went away,
These four walls close in more everyday
And I’m dying inside and nobody knows it but me

Like a clown I put on a show.
The pain is real even if nobody knows.
Now I’m crying inside and nobody knows it but me

Why didn’t I say.
The things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away .
Now my world is just a tumbling down
I can see it so clearly But you’re nowhere around

The nights are lonely the days are so sad.
And I just keep thinking about the love that we had
And I’m missing you and nobody knows it but me

I carry a smile when I’m broken in torn. Now I’m nobody without someone like you
I’m trembling inside and nobody knows it but me.
I lie awake, it’s a quarter part three
I am screaming at night as If I thought you’d hear me,
yeah my heart is calling you and nobody knows it but me.

How blue can I get, you could ask my heart, but like a jigsaw puzzle it’s been torn all apart A million words couldn’t say just how I feel

A Million years from now you know I’ll be loving you still

The nights are lonely the days are so sad, and I just keep thinking about the love that we had and I’m missing you and nobody knows it but me

Tomorrow morning I’ll hit the dusty road. Gonna find you wherever, ever you might o, I’m gonna unload my heard and hope you come back to me

The nights are lonely. The days are so sad and I just keep thinking about the love that we had, and I ‘m missing you and nobody knows it but me

The nights are lonely the days are so sad and I just keep thinking about the love that we had, and I’m missing you and nobody knows it but me

Joke from Ka Ho this morning...

甲﹕我問你一個問題﹐柴米油鹽醬醋茶﹐邊樣野唔係八十年代呀﹖
乙﹕邊樣呀﹖
甲﹕係油。
乙﹕ 吖﹖
甲﹕ (唱歌) “油” 不是八十年代。。。

Hanging on the cliff.

I have been working in World Vision more than a week. So far so good. Thank God for giving me the opportunities to explore on this side of Ontario, to share my thoughts with people I newly known, to gain my spiritual growth thru serving to GOD when I am working.

A lot of things to do at work. There are so many projects to complete, but only a few of us work. I need to find volunteers. I need to find people I trust to help me out. I believe Angels are around, just need to target them and find them.

Connor is living with us around 2 weeks. Everything is fine but we need to know his langauge in order to understand when it's his washroom break. Cookie gets himself into one piece after Boy jai passed away. He is more active at home now. thank God!

Today, I have a chapel at work and the lady was talking about her experience. She was doing some outdoor exercise related to cliff ( Repelling? I don't know the word), but she needed to climb (skipping) down from the cliff. She was terrifying in Height, she was going to skip the chance, but end up she went there.

When she was hanging on the cliff. She was shaking and yelling out for help. The instructor asked her to focus to 'him' while she needed to laid back and land her feet on the cliff (If you can think of the position, she was like sitting in the air). After the struggling, and she finally found herself a bit calm down and started moving down to the land. She was struggling whether she just hanging on the cliff? or focused on her instructor, listened the instructions carefuly. Eventually, she managed to came down on her own. By not letting other distract you and do the work... need to focus on the instructions from the above.

Things are always like that... I have so many things distract aside, but how to FOCUS on GOD is the main point. I need to learn how to Laid back on faith, and Fix my eyes to my LORD.

wow! so spiritual this time.... yeah, I am trying to get myself spiritual personal growth. Please pray for me although you are not christian.

Take care, God bless.

Darkness Vs Brightness

I was in the light. Bright happy light. The light brought me lots of laughs, smiles, and joyments....

Too bad, Light wouldn't last too long... end up I fell back into darkness...

In the darkness, I heard a lot of voices. Those voices were from my friends. They were looking for me... calling me... asking me to get out of the darkness.

But darkness was haunting me. I couldn't get out... I thought light wouldn't stay away from me... but I was wrong. I was the one who walked away from the light, and towards the Darkness.

I tried to tell myself NOT TO stay in the darkness for too long. Things are not that easy to control. Instead, I never had the power of control. I was the passive one. Darkness was looking for me.... and I just couldn't get away from it.

If that is the way it should be, then let me stay in the darkness. Eventually, I would walk back out. Maybe I don't wanna walk out of it now... or ... later ... or ... in the future...

Sorry, I really feel I am useless... and worthless.

Thank you, my friends.

Thank you for being so nice to me, my friends.

Thank you for comforting me by calling me again and again and make sure I am still alive, my friends.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with me, my friends.

Thank you for worrying about my feelings and emotions, my friends.

Thank you for confirming me it is not worth to cry that much, my friends.

Thank you for offering me your times after the break up, my friends.

Thank you for taking care of me by letting me NOT to focus on ONE thing, my friends.

Thank you for telling me that I am not worthless, my friends.

But my friends,

I am trying so hard NOT to think about the negative side.

I am trying NOT to thinking back, but looking forward.

I am trying smiling to myself and telling me it will have another brand new day.

I am trying NOT to waste anyone's time on my negative feelings

I am trying to tell myself that I am still useful.

Sorry my friends,

please let me cry out LOUD in front of you and my dogs.

please let me do stupid things.

please let me act like a fool

I promise you, my friends,

I won't hurt myself physically.

I won't cry until another tear rashes pop out.

I won't put those negative feelings into my new job

I won't bother anyone to do what I like, what I want.

Once again, Thank you for all your loves and kindness.