Busy week

Another day...
Another day...

Nov 10: I was so busy to prepare for Wong Tze Wah, He was finally coming to Toronto. Couldn't wait. Not his BIG Fan, but loved to meet him. He was one of a kind Celebrity that you want to meet in person. no need to talk much, but let him know your existing.

Nov 11: Good to have someone take care of stuffs for me. Francis took care of Wong Tze Wah's trip, and I need to prepare the Press Conference. I didn't have time to receive call or stuffs. So many things to prepare. Good to have Vincent as part of my team. I don't need to be that stress.

Nov 12: SHOW DAY! I was so prepared, except banking. I didn't know how to do the transition. However, I only could do the best, but still...screwed up. Good to have group of good volunteers. They helped me a lot. I mean it. Everyone of them, they helped a lot.

I didn't know what to say, but BIG THANK YOU to them.

Nov 13: Needed to bring something to Suk Yin, so Kenneth and I went to Hotel before they took off. Helped Wong Tze Wah and his assistant moved the suitcases. Well... another Thank you form him. Nice and warm.

After all these days, it was time for me to take some rests. Kenneth asked me where I wanted to go. I wanted to have Shang Hai food and I wanted to shopping. It was not usual me, bcoz I was no fan of shopping. I found shopping actually a bother for me. However, that day, I wanted to SHOP with Kenneth. Even just window shopping. End up... Mr. Man bought more stuffs than I did. Hahaaa! Anyway, I loved the time and I enjoyed the moments.

The only brand I would crazy about was ROOTS. Couldn't tell you how much I loved it, but I just LOVE IT!

Too bad the Canada Classic jacket didn't fit me, or it would already in my house.

I was very tired, but I still enjoyed the shopping trip in V.Mills.

After the whole day shopping, I found out I total forgot the Scout Training. Sorry, leadres, I didn't mean NOT to be there. I didn't want to be the training at the first place. Just bcoz James asked me, I would be there, or I would not even think about it.

Nov 16: Check up for stomach and Colon. I knew that I shouldn't feel anything, but the time I was waiting, and when the nurse put the IV in, I felt the fear... Kenneth was there with me at all time. I was thinking that I shouldn't ask him to be with me. I was wasting his time. He was so busy. However, waiting to go in took an hour, waiting me to get up took another 30 mins. The procedure only took 20 mins. Good that I was normal. Glad... but that was the day... At night, Kenneth had my favorite dish: steamed fish. When did it become my favorite dish? I don't know.

I used to fear to eat fish, bcoz I choke every single time... but now... I am getting better and better, of coz, I still need Kenneth to help me to find the right part of fish to eat.

Nov 17: Dizziness and didn't want to get up. I didn't want to stay home, so it took 30 mins to drive my dogs to the dog field (usually only 15 - 20 mins). It was a nice outdoor, breath some fresh air and looked at the dogs running, I felt better

Nov 18: Dizziness didn't go away, and still had some stomaches. Didn't tell anyone, bcoz not necessary. I tried to clean up my life. Completed the Condo, that is not belonging to me anymore. I shouldn't think of anything related to this anymore. I shouldn't have any hope on the case as the lawyer said atiere is no reply at all. No expectation, no hope, no unhappy feeling.

Today, I have been thinking when is the best time to quit. I mean I really don't like to work in Mississauga. I can't drive that far. I am not a good driver... I really don't want to get into any car accidents anymore (3 accidents in the past 20 months). If I don't work with World Vision Canada, where should I work? how should I choose? what should I do?

That is the question I have been asking God. Be patience. I am waiting for the answer quietly, and simply.

Waiting... Waiting... stil waiting...

Yeah, Panic Attack!

Stress is with me today.

Just by looking at her emails, it already killed me. I was shorten of breaths and panic.

I am asking myself. I should out of marketing ASAP. it is not my industry. Then which industry should I join?

Environmental Science? going back to the basic?
I am really not too sure. This morning the nervous attacked me badly. Now I do have a BIG DOUBT if I should stay in Marketing or not. Maybe I should just work in Walmart or stuffs. Hey! no way, She said I am lacking people skill.

I am trying to hold on my anger. Good that Vincent promised me that he would stay here with me physically while she is around. This is how scared I am.

I don't know why, but very scared of her. Get nightmares almost everynight.

Good luck to me, pal. My Goal is aiming to resign the beginning of next year.

Message from Ron

Hi Percy,

Here is some encouragement from someone who I asked to pray for you:

This is a personalized prayers from Kassey.

Percy I have prayed for you today!! I myself had a very difficult time with
depression until I met a wonderful Christian Therapist and started to pray. pray
percy and so will the rest of us and God will pull you out of this!!

My Father and my God, your watchful care is a blessed assurance in my life.
Shield and defend me from the attacks from the evil forces in this world. O
Lord, be my Hiding Place and my Mighty Fortress. "you are my hiding place and my
shield; I hope in Your word" (Psalm 119:114 NKJV). Amen

Here I am again, O Lord, at the foot of Your cross, so thankful that you
love me just the way I am - imperfect and broken. Mend me and fill me with your
love and grace my Lord. Amen.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to
change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a
time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to
peace; Taking, as [Christ] did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have
it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That
I maybe reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in
the next. Amen.

Why are you downcast? O my Soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope
in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast
within me; therefore I will remember you... By day the Lord directs his love, at
night his song is with me - a prayer to the God of my life (Psalm 42:5-6, 8,
NIV)

Ron



Ron has been very sick in the past years. It was Miracle from God that HE healed Ron when Ron was little. But then, Evil took the miracle away. It is really LONG story... I just can't write it all down at this moment. I will write it down when I have time.

Hope you will have some encouragement from what he sent me.

Thanks, Ron

Busy day

today is another busy day. At least Kenneth is around and I know I am safe and quiet at night. That is why I love to be with Kenneth. He doesn't talk alot, but good enough I feel safe and happy.

So many things to do, especially when the Event comes......

What event? you don't know? let me tell you.

It seems like everything is set... but need to have more organized on Volunteers..

Volunteers are happy, I am happy... bcoz they are my friends as well. =)

If you are my volutneers and reading this, please note that I am serious about the friendship between you and me. Not only the Volunteering.

=)

Time is ticking

Have you ever think of something and you become Emotion?

yeah, I am now... !!!!

Whenever I think the time is ticking... I know it is getting closer...

Whenever I think the day is getting darker... I know it is getting closer...

Whenever I think of his face... I know it is getting closer...

You will ask me, getting closer to WHAT?

I am telling you... getting closer to....

his ARRIVAL TIME!! Yeah, he is coming back... I am so happy!!!!! Can't wait to see him tonight!!!!!!

Thanks, Ron

Try using 1 Cor 10:13 to minister with your friend. Also I think I remember one of the FBC teachers that said God isn't as concerned what you are going thru, but what you do and especially how your handle your situation. Roms 8:28... I am seeing with a cousin now, that being slapped around some, etc is pulling her, her family to the Lord and especially her 26 years old daughter to trust the Lord with all the bad stuff that has happened. No, I don't people should be physically hurt, but I have seen in this case, it is really showing them things still can work out and learn from the bad things. Believe me she was far from perfect, but still men should not abuse their spouse. So use your own common sense and experience you've learned through the years, and tie the different things in with a Scripture that applies to those situation, and her special situation and what she is dealing with. If you know a woman/lady/even a younger woman who is mature in the Lord, maybe let her and your friend spend time together. Sometimes females especially need to unload and talk and that helps more than you may realize.

This is what Ron told me. Thanks, Ron. I am very appreciated it.

1% Positive

These days... my stress level is getting higher and higher. yes, Alice is coming back. the invisible pressume comes from her emails.

I thought I replied her emails (She said she had 200s emails, and I believe 100s from me.)...

Anyway, there are just too many ways from her to contact me... It is just so troublesome.

I am scared... I am not scare by the job, but the person.
No matter how good I think I do, she will just put the negative first.

95% Negative, 3% Neutral, 1% Suggestion, 1% Positive

Do you know how much I do in order to fight for 1% positive?

It is very sad to do so much in order to reward that 1%. It is just very hard... very difficult.

If she wants me to learn from my mistake... without regularly positive encouragement, I am sorry, I just don't understand how it works.

It is the Reality?

Come on, I just want to be me.. I just want to be coordinator, don't put me on the spot. I just want to do the job... I just want to do the good job in my position. But Demand is getting higher and more... I can't stand it anymore... I just can't stand it anymore....

Why she always do this to me? I feel like stand at the corner.

Sept 4 2009, What another day...

I was so tired this morning, got up and my brain kept thinking thinking and thinking. What did I think? seriously, didnt remember. This is some kind of "Senior moment" for me.

Arrived the office, I went to see Kau Mo. She asked me how I am lately... The bitter inside me just hard to explain it out.

I keep telling myself NOT to show any NOT happy sign, so I pretended I was so normal at work. Alice asked Vincent and I to the room. I thought another "being yelled", end up she wanted to have devotion with us. I didn't want to, but I guessed we had to. She is the boss.

I was trying to do all the stuffs. Today is the businesss Sponsorships deadline, I posted up what I had on Michael's FTP site, and email Suk Yin and Vincent. Packed the suitecase (boot suitcase) for Benny... Then .. .Noon time.

Have to run... in order to have something in the stomach before meeting MCCC at 2pm. MUST leave at noon. I went to Biu Yee Ma, She explained to me about the house of ours may not good to our lives. We didn't do any good since we moved in.

I had been thinking about this issue.... awhile ago. I didn't know end up ... it actually someone brought it up.

I didn't mean to be rude, but I really want to do thing one at a time.

Sell the condo, renovate Markham, then get a new house and sell Markham. This is my plan. Hopefully it works.

Time to go... need to meet up the business agent. Everything will be fine except, I really don't like being micromanagemnt. I really hate it.

The "Positive" that I don't want to have...

I keep telling myself, POSITIVE, HAPPY, GOOD

Prediction (I would like to have a chance to prevent any unhappy issue happen ahead of time)
Objective (Good that I am not subjective, or the world becomes very BLACK and WHITE in me)
Subsitution (Should I start to find someone to sub me)
Intensionally (Sometimes people just do something they thought they are right...)
Talent (Do I have any? I can't see it anymore)
Impatience (When my boss around me, my pressure from this)
Violent (I always want to this to her)
Experience (It teaches me NOT to do anything above)

Think deepy, I believe Positive thinking is a MUST in me, or people around will suffer alot

DO you think so?

Confronted by minutes and minutes..

Today... I really had a bad bad bad headache....

Alice H. confronted me by marking all my late day with the Minutes I was late. However, I knew I was wrong by being late, Sorry ok? but how could she marked down ALL minutes I was late??? I am so upset about it...

How come I am always wrong? How come I never reach her standard?

If one day I get out where I am working now, I will send my BLOG WEB to Alice H. I hope she understand how much she hurts me.

Failure in me

What am I doing?
Why am I crying?
How should I face the problems?
Who should I talk to?
When is my time come?

I am looking at my dogs now. They are just sitting beside me. Why am I feeling lonely? When I have them? When I have Kenneth in my life?

I am crying, bcoz I know my boss is going to confront me of my LATE? why am I late? An hour driving every morning is not easy for me. 2 hours driving back home is a headache. Why God? Why are you leading me to this? Am I really that bad you have to DISCIPLINE me? you have to CHANGE me?

I feel so much pressure to face ALICEs, yeah, both ALICEs. Alice Ho and Alice Man. When I face to Alice Ho, I don't know how much MORE I need to change to reach her standard. When I face to Alice Man, I don't know how to love her in order for her to feel comfortable.

Where are you, Kenneth? You were saying that when I am crying, you will be here with me, but where are you now? I was holding the knife, thinking if I should go ahead to just finish it... but I just don't want to make it a mess. Just only Ka Ho can't handle stuffs like that. King is emotional now. Parents are worrying about King... I can't... I don't care about myself anymore..

Guess what? EVERYDAY, I just want to get myself into car accident... I don't know why I think like this... why this is my intention EVERYDAY.

People asked me, "Why aren't you happy? You have Kenneth." I don't know. Do I have him? I really don't know. I feel sorry for him that he has to take care of me. He shouldn't. He doesn't need to.

Should I just go back to Single? Should I? SHOULD I?

At this moment, I am very upset. I need to get myself into such situation? Am I a loser or what?

My Heavenly father, without you, I believe I left this world a long long time ago.

Prayer: THANKS

Dear God,

Thank you for telling me the following:
"My Brothers and Sisters, when you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, bcoz you know that these troubles test your raith, and this will give you patience. Let your patience show itself perfectly in what you do. Then you will be perfect and complete and will have everything you need" James 1:2-4

Thank you for helping King. I know he knows what he needs to do. Please guide his road. It maybe tough, but I know you are good at that, I know you won't let me down. King needs you badly, he prayed to you, but he couldn't quiet down himself to listen to you. my Lord, please help him ... If coming back to Canada is good for him, then let him be. Please God, arm around him and let him feel the LOVE.

Thank you for letting Alice to face the Death of her grandpa when Kenneth was around. Even though he didn't know what to do about it, but Alice is a brave girl. I know she is learning how to handle it. Please take care of her and her family.

Thank you for giving me the chance to learn NOT to be siu hay. Sorry, Lord, I am very siu hay, bcoz I don't know how to keep what I have. I don't like to share what I have with others. Please Lord help me.

My Lord, whenever I see Alice, I am just so afraid that Kenneth would go back to his old family and leave me behind. I shouldn't think this way, but I know I am thinking this badly. Please let me out of the jealousy and get back into my happy life.

I am not too sure I should give up the relationship bcoz I really don't know if I can handle Alice or not. I am just afraid that she would CHALLENGE me... and my family. I don't know what to do. I know Kenneth would not on my side, so what I should do.

Please give me wisdoms on how to talk to Alice about the death of her grandpa.

Dear Lord, I really do care about how this little girl feel, as she is very smart and good. I really like her. Please take care of her.

My Lord, I need to get back to work. I love you as usual...

~Amen

Taiwan

Dear God,

Taiwan's emergency....Nothing we need to do, bcoz There are just so many different direction to help them out now. I believe right now... is the problem/solution between ex-Governor and recent governor...

Poor citizens, hope they are doing alright. I still don't understand why Government is not acting immediately? I just don't understand.

Taiwan, I am praying for you.

Head is still spinning, better get off work soon.... looking forward to it.

God, please handle those tragic stories for us. Human beings can't handle them peacefully. Please guide us.

I m praying in the name of Christ, ~Amen.

What should I do with him?

Today, I am not very awake.

I believed I felt to sleep early last night, but I woke up in the middle of the night. Ka Ho was not home. All the negative thoughts just snapped into my mind.

I kept BB him, I kept calling him. He didn't answer the phone. I intentively drove the car around to find him. I didn't know where my brother was.... Finally, Mr. Chan came home around 3:00am while he needed to wake up around 7:30am...

Dear God,

Please forgive my paranoid. I didn't know how to handle it. Somehow I have a great responsibility on Ka Ho as Parents are away from us. I don't know how to explain to him how worried I am, but please God, it seems like I want to take a break. Would you mind to take this stone away from my mind and let myself set free? The worries, the angers... my Lord, it really bothers me... I really don't know what to do, but talk to you, look at you, and please lead me on your way. As I always want to walk on my way, No God, please lead me to your way.

My Lord, I always want to put Ka Ho to you as you love him very much. He knows, but he doesn't want to admit. Please God, please help him. He is so lost. always find something to fill up his time. Please help him set his schedule, please lead him to a better life. I love you, My Lord. He is my youngest brother, I am not too sure how come he is walking away from you. Please help him and hold him in your arms.

Today, I want to say Sorry to do on what I did. I believe that I just enjoy my life so much. Please let me know if I am wrong. God, I know you love me as well. Please let me know how to handle my emotion, how to follow you? I always want to listen to Karen about following you. I always want to do so, but I can't really keep it up. Please tell me what to do. Please guide me what to do. My Lord, I shouldn't do something bad when I represent as your daughter. Please forgive me. I am doing my best to correct it. Please help me.

I love you, My Lord, and please give me wisdom on how to handle things that I don't know/ didn't know how yet. I will follow you, my Lord.

in Christ,

Percy

Preparation 100%

This coming Friday, I am heading to camp with a group of friends including Ka Ho and Kenneth.

Looking forward to it, but to be honest, I am kind of nervous. I didn't really plan camping for a LONG LONG time... so.. .I am sure there are something missing.

When I sent out the reminder email to all Campers, my honey, send out another one with FULL details on how to get there, what is the budget, who is taking care of what... wow... so cool.... so lovely...

I feel that I don't need to worry about anything anymore... let Kenneth handle stuffs for me is a good choice.

Am I making the right choice? or just the fake one? God, please guide me and let me know.

Anyway, Thank God that I have him... I feel that I am at least 70% worry free... ahahaha!

Good... for me and poor for kenneth. He has 70% more to be worried. =P

If I have a chance to get married with him, I believe I don't need to worry about my wedding at all.. .just attend! haahahaahaa! Good!!!!! Good for someone lazy like me.!

today's feeling

It is very annoying...

My tentant left without paying the last rental.

However... All Carpets need to renovate, all walls need to be cleaned, etc etc....

Ho Ma Fan...

I don't like legal... action... it goes too far ....

Not feeling well, nose blooding...

Since I was little, I am very emotional. I don't hide my feeling. When I happy, I laugh so hard; When I sad, I cry out loud. This is what I used to do.

When I am growing up, I sometimes do not express my feeling right. I don't know why, but it hurts inside me badly.

I remembered one time, I was screaming to my brothers. I was so mad (actually I got upset) and end up... I got nose bleeding.... and I used the bowl to hold on my blood.

Tonight, mom was trying to comfort me. She never success and end up she got me even more upset. It was good some ways, bcoz I just couldn't cry it out before that... All of a sudden, I cried it out and as well as my nose blood.

Nose blood couldn't stop...and my tears kept dropping...

(the following pictures are not very nice one, please prepare you will see BLOOD)

















Began on the sofa, then I didn't know until the blood on my hand...



this is within 5 seconds... my blood was dripping.


Don't worry... it slowed down...

Negative... drag me to the bottom...

Today I have a really adnormal day.

I keep telling myself to work and work and work.... with NORMAL mood...
Inside me, I am very very depressed. I mean... I am very depressed of what happened.

I want to cry, but tears are not coming out...
the tears are dropping inside to my heart. I really can't handle it anymore...

I am looking at the medicine, I want to have at least one... or I should take the whole bottle. I have been taking those medicine for 3 years... and now ... I can't believe that I stopped it for 7 months. It is very sun fu.

I want to cry... I want to cry it out loud... but I can't ...

Why? Why Why do I feel so negative?

Sorry, Kenneth

Dear Kenneth,

I want to say SORRY to you, but I don't know how to. I don't want to give you any hard time. But I can't help thinking negative. I know it hurts our relationship. I don't really want to do that.

I know you already do a lot to secure our relationship, but it is my fault not to handle it properly. It is all my fault. I was getting mad "non-sense" and I honestly, don't want you to suffer in something like that.

I believe it is my fault.. it is all my fault.

Don't worry. you will not need to suffer something like that. You don't need to.

I love you deeply from my heart, and I can't see how I hurt you. I am sorry.

Love,
Percy

don't let my stupid stop my man loves me.

Dear God,

Things are not followed what I want. It should follow of what you planned.

Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for taking care of the people around me. I am just being selfish. I am just being stupid. Please forgive me.

There is a guy I love very much, but I always make him mad. I still don't understand why I do so.

Bcoz I want his care?
Bcoz I want his attention?
Bcoz I want his love?
Bcoz I want his security?

My Lord, please take care of my thinking. I don't want to go with my way, but your way. Please LORD to help me.... I am afraid to lose him. Please don't let me do stupid thing, my way, to make him stop loving me.

MY Lord, I am learning how to follow your way, I am going forward to the way you planned for me, please take care....of what I do. If I make it wrong... please make sure you guide me back to the way you planned for me.

I love you very much, my heavenly father.

Praying in the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen.

Obey

As you may not know, my company has chapel every wednesday before noon.

Today, the pastor talked about "Obey". When God calls you, have you ever misunderstand his calls? or you actually ignore his calls?

When God shows you the REALITY of the world, there are so many people need help, instead of donate money to the charities, you are still holding the money and thinking whether you should get NIKE runners or PUMA sneakers?

Not asking you should have ALL money to the poor, but when you are complaining the burger you are eating is not good taste enough, there are millions of people suffering malnutrition by only eating dirty corn powder.

When you know someone wasting food just for better "looking food setting" or "better taste" (I heard someone who called himself a CHEF who use the WHOLE SALMON for the sause and throw the SALMON to the garbage) This is called WASTE FOOD.

When God shows all these to us, and let us have a heart to "willing to help out", would you ignore this and walk away?

You don't need to do much, but just be a better person.
TURN off the light when you don't need to use them,
DON'T use too much water just making you feel SAFE,
EAT what you order, ORDER what you can eat.

This is simple, please keep in mind. Don't waste the resource in this world.

meebo Ken and me

Just how to communicate with my Honey when he is so busy.... and didn't have a chance to come to see me.

Hide, hide, hide....

It is better harder and harder.... very difficult...

The only thing I can do now.... is hide. Hide from friends and the world. I shouldn't rely on the drug... but I really want to take the pills almost 2 months. It is just getting harder and harder...

I sometimes don't know why I get so upset, and also, I don't understand why it triggers me easily....

I can't stand anymore... the only thing I can control it... is .. CRY till tired.... then I will go to sleep right after crying.

It is difficult to breath lately... Not bcoz of work, not bcoz of friends, not bcoz of family, but myself.

Die is easier than live at this moment...

This is the place I like....

This is really called BLUE SKY & WHITE CLOUDS

This is ROAD.... LONG ROAD..... never to the end... keep going and going...

Ahhh!! This is home. This is my 30somthing birthday present and the Poo (created by my uncle, looked so real, right? hahaaa)

For those live in Toronto, you know this is my Brother's car, right? yeah... HK taxi look alike. So many times got waves in Chinese Mall and Police pulled over....

Stupid Ka Ho!

This is the view from my driveway. I just love this house very much. It may be time to move on... soon...

Dear God,

Today... it was a very long day for me.

My emotion drags me to down valley very much. It is very hard for me to do so...

Honestly, it is really SUN FU!

I really want to take the pills again.... it release my stress...
but ...I can't take them anymore bcoz it posioned me for so long... it is time for me to stop even it drags me very depressed...

Please take care of me. Please take my sadness away...

I am praying to the name of Christ.

~Amen.

It's over...

Doesn't matter.... it's over...

Doesn't matter... I don't want to think anymore...

Doesn't matter... it's over...

Doesn't matter... doesn't matter anymore... ... ... ...

It's over... It's over...

It's another brand new day, don't waste it, make it graceful to our heavenly father!!!!

Today is a brand new day. I praised to LORD that I am still alive and I am happily to spend my day.

Vincent's first day in the team. it seems like he never leave the dept. Good to have him back. Hope we both can work together. God has his plan for Vincent back to here. Hope things are getting better.

I need my health back. I am going to do something in order to make it happen. This is my Goal. I can't destroy what God gave me. I need to protect it.

I am using some cleanse program to detox my body. Hopefully, it helps me a little bit.

Every morning, I need to remind myself, "It's a brand new day! Don't waste it, make it graceful and useful to my Heavenly father".

Work hard, stay healthy and enjoy what GOD is giving us no matter good or bad. Learn how to enjoy all different situation! Praise to LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=)

No title weekend...

Last Weekend was good weather...

I woke up not too early, but good enough to have brunch with Kenneth's relatives. It was good to see some new faces and his Uncle 7 and Auntie 7. They were so nice to me. I felt like family. Thank you. Those new faces didn't really talk to me but I was trying my best to be myself. As most of you know I am very dramatic. I don't like hiding myself even my mom told me that I should do it sometimes in front of people. I just don't like it.

After brunch, I was really full. I actually went to a Home Decor warehouse (on the way home) with Kenneth, I was just going there with a curious heart, but Kenneth was so happy to get so many photo frames. I am not a photo frame person. I guess I don't have much space to put on the frames on the desk. He bought a lot, I was assuming that he put his daughter's pictures on, but he told me he would put some of my pictures on those frame. Humm.... 1st time I didn't really want to.

Ka Ho brought Connor to vet when I was fighting the photo frames with Kenneth, Ka Ho called me about Connor re-check went ok. Good, I didn't need to pay extra more for his teeth. Kenneth always said that Connor worth from nothing to $1400s. Hahahaa!

I was tired as I never be a shopaholic! I went home with Kenneth (with his photo frame(s)). Then we went out again, I wanted to get myself rest, but end up out of the house again. Honestly, kind of tired of even sitting on the car.

Kenneth went to OPEN HOUSE with me. I was so happy, even he claimed that was just a view for his investment. I understood that he was respecting my opinion. We went to 3 different builders: Monach, Andrin and West Village. The prices were extremely crazy. 50' lots from $550,000s to $700,000s!!!! We both agreed that we shouldn't find the BIG house. I insisted to have master bedroom with "Walk-in closet" (s). Kenneth agreed as he saw what I had... I definitely need a WALK-IN closet. I also wanted something "Open" I don't like Living room, family room, dinning room are all seperated into "block room".... open area was something I was looking for.

Andrin's bloosom Elevation B should be a good idea. We went back to the builder on Sunday, the lot Kenneth liked was gone. Both of us were so disappointed. However, prayed to LORD hope there would have some good choice available for Kenneth. It would be located Woodbine and Major Mackenzie. Very closed to the new address of Zion.

It seems like the new chapter of my life is getting closer... and closer.... Should I prepare for the time? or just ignore this until it comes? I am a day dreamer, this is a good excuse to think of my new chapter. =)

Would you be happy for me if the time really come?

Thank God.

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me the chance to work with all these people.
Thank you for letting me know what my weakness and strength.
Thank you for having me in such situation.

All the volunteers were GREAT!
All the artists were OK!
All the progresses were smooth! Thank you very much.

Praying in the name of Jesus Christ, ~Amen.

Chasing Love Musical Drama May 16 2009

It is OVER!

I had been working so hard for this event. End up it went OK in my standard.

Artists were arrived on May 15 2009 and Thank you for all my friends. I actually pulled 90% of my friends to the event becoming the volunteers

Drivers were great! Prepared well for the schedule of the artists. No matter what happened, they overcome the problems. Thank you.

My Assistants were great! Ran up and down for me and the SHOW! Solve the problems when I already had a lot to worry.

All team leaders and volunters were SUPER! Already told them what to do and they were just doing their job WELL DONE!

I praised to LORD that there were some mistakes so I still learned from it. I praised to LORD that the show went just so well. Of cause, there were some complains and negative feedbacks, That was just NORMAL! Thank you very much.

I praised to LORD that I did my part, I already TRIED my best and the rest were depending on HIM, not me.

mixed mind

I have been listening a lot of music.

Lyrics touch my heart.

How can those writers and composters write those amazing lyrics?

I have been running around, dealing with different parties bcoz of the event. I am very tired physically and mentally. I have been this in the past months. Sorry for the people closed to me. They needed to put up with me. Sorry about that.

Whenever I feel depressed, you are here with me, trying to cheer me up and making sure I am eating and doing well.
On the other hand, I don't do much for you, but torturing you mentally. Sorry about that. I am trying NOT to do so, but I am being attacked by Depression. I am trying avoid it. Sorry, Mission failure.

I am looking for my future. I believe God provide me bright and shinny day everyday. I have been waiting for this for so long... why it seems like it is getting harder and longer to get it?

I have so many songs in my mind right now. I can't do it. I can't relax bcoz the event is within 4 days. It seems like so many things UNPREPARED!!!!!!

Tomorrow, I will do one thing very important in my LIFE. No one knows about it... Alive or Dead, you will see.

Love you all,
Percy

Sometimes When We Touch (By Dan Hill)

Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives

I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide

I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by
At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend

A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

天都亮了﹐真的嗎﹖

忘了有多久 再沒聽到你 對我說你最愛的故事
我想了很久 我開始慌了 是不是我又做錯了甚麼

# 你哭著對我說 童話裡都是騙人的
我不可能是你的王子
也許你不會懂 從你說愛我以後 我的天空星星都亮了

我願變成童話裡 你愛的那個天使 張開雙手 變成翅膀守護你
你要相信 相信我們會像童話故事裡 幸福和快樂是結局

#我要變成童話裡 你愛的那個天使 張開雙手 變成翅膀守護你
你要相信 相信我們會像童話故事裡 幸福和快樂是結局

我會變成童話裡 你愛的那個天使 張開雙手 變成翅膀守護你
你要相信 相信我們會像童話故事裡 幸福和快樂是結局

一起寫我們的結局

Very good post from Beach

天下有兩難：
登天難，求人更難
地上有兩苦：
黃蓮苦，貧窮更苦
世間有兩險：
江湖險，人心更險
人間有兩薄：
春冰薄，人情更薄

知其難、忍其苦、測其險、耐其薄，可處事矣

天下有兩易：
得到易，失去更易
地上有兩甜：
愛情甜，親情更甜
世間有兩忙：
工作忙，扮工作更忙
人間有兩悶：
活著悶，不懂得去活更悶

慎其易、受其甜、享其忙、捱其悶，可過活矣

Thank you Matt for blogging this out. I didn't mean to copy it, but I really like this very much. It really meant what I am having in my life right now.

Thank you, Chow Hoi Kwong.

Can't breath...

When I came to office this morning, I found a note on my table:

"Percy, I MUST see you on a few things tomorrow at 4pm, I won't be in until 2:30pm tomorrow, thanks."

I didn't know what I needed to know, but I felt something happened, then I saw the Voicemail light is on. I picked up the message. It was from Alice this morning at 7am. She didn't want to call me this morning, but she was panic attack.

Why do we do this in Panic mode? I really don't like the atmosphere. If I am getting tighten up, I am sure no one will have a good day. However, I choose to calm myself down and tell myself that EVERYTHING is handled by GOD.

God is willing to do so, but am I letting HIM to take care of me? Just like I know how much HE loves me by sending so many friends around to help me out, then I am still in panic???

I want to relax and end up I find myself out of breathe.

Kenneth has a lot to do/ worry at work, but he can still comforting me and willing to go to swim with me. I dropped it for awhile, I really want to do some exercises. Even a short walk with Dogs should be fine. I still can't find the time?

I am sure God will not let us do something in panic mode. It is another BIG lesson. how to LET GO. Human beings always think that they can control everything, but HOW? No matter how much money you get, you won't be able to take those materials to Heaven with you. Then in my case, I would like to do my BEST to help others (indirectly), but why do I make myself so weak in order to make it success? I mean, I want to achive what I need to, but I have been asking myself repeatly why do I have such weak body (physically and mentally).

Can't breath again... just can't breath... Relax Percy! Relax! You can do it...

Things should be prepared already, you will need to execute it. This is what you are good at! Take it easy! Make your volunteers happy and make yourself available to GOD.

Tell you all a secret: in the past months, the only thing that made me happy the most... is Kenneth become Christian and want to know more about God. This is something good for me as well. I am not a good Christian, and I will need to prepare myself in order to grow in Christ with him. Thanks, Jesus. I praise to you, my heavenly father.

Too many clouds cover the LIGHT of GOD, I am scared, but I know I SHOULDN'T. It is just because I know God provide WIND to blow the clouds away and I will see the clear sky again! Without HIM, I will have no HOPE by getting the CLOUDS away. HE is my saviour!!!!!! Let me breath, my heavenly father...

Pressure

It sometimes not coming from Work.
It sometimes not dealing with people.
It actually comes from myself. When my actions are not reaching my standard. It actually cause a certain level of stress.

I keep asking myself, just go back to orginal: take the pill and things will get better.

I was cooking for my family. I was alone in the kitchen. I was not talking to anyone, just by myself to stand there and to cook. My tears came out without any onion. Tomorrow has to work, but work should not a "Bother" as I know I will get off work early tomorrow.

My honey has some issues at work and should be able to take care of it himself, but I feel bad that he has to take care of me as well. My Burden shouldnot be his burden. It should be my problem, but not his. Sorry, Kenneth. Don't want to give you any extra things.

Pressure + tight timing = Going crazy.

may 16 event.

These days are crazy for me.

I have been working 7 days per week in the past few months. I don't know how many days I can stand any longer....

The Show is on May 16, but there are a lot of different things happening:

I need to cooperate with Suk Yin in order to make backstage/ production team works

I need to cooperate with Sponsors on accessories, food, etc etc workable

I need to make sure all volunteers know what they need to do before/ during / after the show

I need to balance my life style in order NOT going crazy.

Kenneth, I am sorry to give you my burdens. I don't know who else I should talk to and cry on to. Thank you for supporting me no matter I am being a bitch or not.

Wenkie, Pedro, Tracy, Carman, etc etc: Thank you for helping me out by taking such important roles in the event.

Ka Ho, thank you for taking care of my dogs as I have to run around to get ready the show.

Mom, thank you for coming back all the way from Hong Kong just to supporting me in such harsh period of time.

Thank you GOD for giving me the chance to do it. It is just too big for me. I don't know if I can still handle it in this coming weeks... without your help. I am nothing.

There are just too many things to handle while my health is not the top "healthy" ....

Sorry that I hurt you.

Dear God,

please forgive me for giving people around me difficult time. I didn't mean to do it.

I am still learning to LOVE and to be LOVED.

I was hurt, so I am trying to protect myself.
One thing not to be hurt is No expectation, and Never have it in my hand.

Things are all so unreal now... you gave me a man who loves me very much. He takes care of me more than he takes care of himself. He doesn't mind to give up alot for me. But... the more he does that for me, the more I scared. I scared to lose him... I scare he won't do that to me when time pass. My Lord, please forgive me being so selfish. I am sorry.

Insecurity.please Lord, take this away.... I can't stand it anymore... I am giving him hard time as well... I am hurting him... I am even more scared...

My heavenly father, so many things in my head now... and I really need a break... viruses are attacking me. I am so tired... I need a break... I need a rest...

In Christ,
Percy

Dear God

Dear God,

please guide my road.
please open my eyes to see the path.
I really don't want to QUIT like this.

My Lord, I am so tired...
I am so weak...
please lift me up.
please give me strength to leave...

I will not going to survive this time... please help.

Trying to have a BIG CHANGE

Dear God,

Please support me.
Please lift me up.

I am going to do something that I never think it is a good idea, but I will need to try once.
Please support me.

I have been trying to lose weight in the past (Since I was born)
I tried NOT eating...
I tried to become Vegetarian
I tried to have SOLDER DIET...

didn't work... just didn't work at all.

This time, I will try to do something very new in my life.
Please help me by letting me do a lot of exercises during this time.
Please let me eat less during this time.
Please guide me to the way I should be.

My Lord, sound stupid, but I really think how fat I am .. is wasting the resource on the earth.
I am going to try this in 8 weeks. Hope it will work a bit.

God helps me.

I am praying in the name of Christ, ~Amen.

Who will help me when I need it.

Dear God,

I am so tired... Please lift me up.
I am so weak... Please arm around me.

I need your support (as usual), I need your power, and I need your love.

I don't know why, but my tears keep coming down, non-stop.
I don't know why, but my heart keep going very fast...

My heavenly father, I want to throw up, but I can't waste what you gave me. I just can't take the stress anymore, please help me. I am going crazy... My Lord father, I feel so cold, I feel helpless, and useless. Please help me.

My body doesn't listen to me anymore.
My body doesn't act good anylonger...

I wake up in the middle of the night.
I need to support my family financially and physically...

God, I love you, please let me know how much you love me especially when I am weak mentally. I am afraid that I will walk away from you. I am afraid that I will not be able to take the work I like anymore...

Lord, please help me... please please....

In name of Christ, Amen.

Canadian Rockstar went to Zambia with WVC

Suzie McNeil rocks Zambia

Canadian rock star Suzie McNeil gave the performance of a lifetime this month, to a group of school children in Zambia. McNeil is used to a warm response from fans, but never has anyone walked 7 km to hear her.
While in Zambia to help kick off the 30 Hour Famine campaign, McNeil witnessed the effects of the global food crisis firsthand. She met children who rarely eat, yet rise at 4 a.m. to make the trek to school.

The children welcomed McNeil with a huge banner and performances. “The songs and dances were like nothing I had ever seen before”, she says. “They have a song for everything: welcoming me, saying goodbye. The kids even created a performance about sexual activity and AIDS!”

McNeil also paid a visit to 12-year-old Doris, an orphan who helps support three cousins. Their only guardian is their 109-year-old grandmother. Moved by the family’s situation, McNeil decided to sponsor Doris and purchased a mattress so the children would not have to sleep on the dirt floor. “They were ecstatic! It brought such joy to me,” she says.

Watch for McNeil in the coming weeks as she promotes the Famine through TV, radio, print and electronic media.

Reported by Deborah Wolfe

At sleep Clinic (exclusive)

See how happy I am...??? Look like Psycho

believe it or not. This is what I did in the busy day. I was so frustrated. Need to relax.

I am pretty busy at work... but Need to find a min or two to relax. Here you go... relax ...

Puzzle is hard to deal with, but for the one I love, I don't mind to work it out...
It looks pretty real, doesn't it? One day, I will get more skinner and go on the FRONT PAGE of the NICE magazine.

Why life is so complicated?

Dear God,
Why are you making people think complicatedly? I don’t understand. Should people live peacefully and simply are good enough in our lives on earth?

Please forgive me to ask you such questions, as I really don’t want to think things too complicate. It really hurts my head. My brain is in pain when I think too much about it.

Life shouldn’t be happy when you already planned everything for us? I am sorry that I don’t really live my life the best, but I am learning. I am really teaching myself new thing everyday. Please let me know what exactly you planned for me.

My brain hurts so much. My head spins as there are so many things to think thru. Please take care of my life and the people around me. They are effected by me which I don’t want to make their lives miserable. Please take care of them.

My Lord, I really don’t want to give more troubles to others as the problems they have already too much for them. Without your help, I really doubt I can live this long. My heavenly father, please take care of the people I love and love me, I really don’t know how to take care of them as they even think more complicated than me. I don’t want to think too much. Please forgive us from making the world even worse. We didn’t mean to make it so difficult.

Love you, Lord.
Percy

HOPE : 希望

I am doing some research for our Radiothon this coming April 17 2009.

The theme of this year: HOPE

乜野係希望﹖

• 活着就是希望 , 活出快樂
• 教育能為兒童帶來希望
• 「希望」是人類在人生旅程中展現的一種人文現象
• 希望在明天
• 希望在耶穌

Please note that all THESE are not quoted from World Vision Canada, but on the web.

See a lot of people look at the HOPE in very similar way. I really hope that, I really hope this...

有時候﹐希望只係好簡單﹐對我而言﹐ 係一個每天生活既推動力﹐令我同身邊既人開心同積極噤面對困難。

可能﹐我被寵壞了﹐生命依然係辛苦同負累他人。其他人對我有希望﹐我對我更有希望﹐ end up 變得更辛苦。。。。

Well, nothing I can do to change this thought. I will need to cope with it, I guess.

It's easy to encourage others, but not myself. Bcoz I know myself too well.

Dear God,
Praise the Lord that you give me what I need, and most of the time, what I want. Praise the Lord you take care of me as I always feel your love. Praise the Lord you still give me HOPE in my life. Without the HOPE, I don't think I want to live anymore... Without the HOPE, I don't think I would be this happy and enjoy my life. Please take away my saddness. Please take away my self guilty. I just can't control to going downhill except you lift me up, My heavenly father. Please God, guide me to where you want me to be. I am praying in the name of Jesus Christ.
~Amen.

I feel this....

I have the following symtoms:
心跳加速、胸口疼痛、臉紅耳熱
呼吸過量、透不過氣來
頭暈、頭痛、出汗手腳麻痺/輕微刺痛
口乾、胸悶、嘔吐
肌肉痛楚(尤其是面部、肩膊)、坐立不安

I sometimes think the following:
不設實際和/或過多恐慌(對於將來事物)、思潮起伏或腦中一片空白，專注力下降和記憶力下降、猶豫不決、脾氣暴燥、不耐煩、思想混亂、坐立不安、神經緊張、疲倦、失眠、夢境過份迫真。

My Friends, I think I may have anxiety disorder... *sigh* .... from Depression to Anxiety?? What the heck...??

Why am I doing it?

I have been asking myself lately, why am I working in this job? Do I really like it? or I have nothing else can do but this?

I am not happy.
I guess I am tired
I am not willing to get up to work.
I guess I am tired
I am not enjoying the things I do.
I guess I am tired.

I really think I need a break, but what about my team? They never stop but keep working and working 24-7

I am tired from working 7 days a week even I have some short time to rest in between.
I am tired from planning ahead of time bcoz I don't want to think anymore...

I need a break..
I need a rest...
I need a LIFE.

I don't want to have a life only WORK, WORK and WORK. This is not what I am looking for.

I am what I am....

Another brand new day, and it is another sick day for me. I mean... I really want to work like normal person, but dizziness bothers me a lot.

I don't claim myself as SICK/ ILL... but just not feeling well. I don't like using SICK as I am not sick. I was working on a lot of stuffs. When I was not being able to get into Lotus notes, I was trying to clean up my room in order to work in a comfort place. It was so nice to have Kenneth helped me out to do all cleaning. He actually shorten my "HOPE" dream from 10 years to 5 years ...

There were things happened since I wrote the previous blog. I went to TAC to serve what God planned for me. I was working in the male clothing room. Preparing with Kenneth, end up 20+ people came in ... and most of them asked for jeans and underwears. I shouldn't work in the male room as it was not safe for me (according what I knew), but it was OK, I trust God protected me and some of those people might remembered me from last time (A long time ago).

People who didn't come to TAC to meet the homeless in person, they might not understand the situation and they would not understand why homeless being homeless. Even I was there, I didn't know the truth, but I believed each of them had their own stories. I was so chicken to ask for the reasons.

Some of them actually stayed in the room and chatted with me. It was called "start" for me. Start to recognize their faces, and their stories from pieces to pieces.

Homeless is a big problem in Toronto (across Canada) and people need to face the issue. I praised to LORD that there were actually some of the homeless people told me they had the chance to interview for jobs. I was so happy for them. There was a lady, who told me that she needed a skirt to go for the interview even it was cold. She wanted to look nicer in order to have better life. What a GUT! good luck! proud of you (didn't even have a chance to ask for your name and you were gone) stepping a BIG step in your life!

As for myself, I wish I can go for camping again. I need a real REST as work is so busy and busy enough to choke me. I really wish that I don't need to work for money, but work for my dream.

Anyway, waiting for this BIG season coming as I will go back to HK with my honey! yeah!!!! don't know what will happen, but I believe GOD is leading us, holding our hands.

Time to speak up: Happy Valentine's Day!

Let's Build the foundation well. Start from good communication.

I am going to celebrating my happy time with everyone!
I am going to try my best to throw all negative thoughts away!
I am going to let you understand more about me!
I am going to throw all the struggles as far as possible, bcoz I know you are with me, no matter what..
I am going to tell the WORLD who you are!!!





I am not afraid to tell the WORLD that I LOVE YOU!

Kenneth: Me?

Percy: Yes, It's you! Too bad.... this picture is my property... no matter you didn't sign your Photo consent or not. (*If you think it's not time yet.. let me know.. I will put another picture on here. =P But don't you complain afterward.)

Happy Valentine's day to Special you and EVERYONE!!!!

分分鐘需要你

願我會楂火箭 帶你到天空去

在太空中兩人住

活到一千歲 都一般心醉

有你在身邊多樂趣

共你相相對 好得戚好得意

地淋天崩當閒事

就算翻風雨 只需睇到你
似見陽光千萬里

有了你開心Ｄ 乜都稱心滿意

鹹魚白菜也好好味

要與你永共聚 分分鐘需要你

你似是陽光空氣

扮靚Ｄ皆因你 癲癲地皆因你

為你擔心作傻事

扮下猩猩叫 睇到乜都笑

有你在身邊多樂趣

若有朝失左你 花開都不美

願到荒島去長住

做個假的你 天天都相對

對木頭公仔做戲

I love this song so much, bcoz I really hope I can find someone who makes me do all the lyric says. I believe I don't need to find that special someone anymore, bcoz I have you.

只為下一秒而活

I am not being negative, but I keep telling myself that I have to live alive!

believe me or not. I am happy, bcoz I feel like I am one of the luckiest person in Ontario. I am not saying the world since I am only small potato.

I have been drainng my energy out at work, on road. I am very tired. really tired... Don't know why but just very tired... tired till headache, still draining out the energy.

I sometimes do scare bcoz I don't know what it will go to end. Of coz I am not walking to that end. I tell myself even I drop dead at this moment. I am still happy of what I have.

I sometimes do think too long term. I know this is only DREAM. I like to dream. If a person doesn't dream, she/he has no hope! I have my dream. I have my hope. I see the bright light. I know where I want to go.

My friends, don't waste your time on guessing and denying. "Be a Man, Do the right thing!"

Life is short to have so much fun. Don't waste the energy and time! Go out and have fun! see you out there.

Thank YOU for protecting me; Thank you for taking care of me...

The following may confuse you a bit, YOU should be understand what I mean. you may have little problem. Don't worry, you will understand it eventually. =)

I am not afraid, bcoz I know YOU and you will walk with me.
I am not afraid, bcoz I know YOU and you will take care of me.

But I don't want to give you too much burden as YOU will protect me in any situation.
I only think if things turn out not good, then I will need to leave you. YOU will take care of me. Please not to worry about me. I don't want you to change your living style bcoz of my health. I don't want to bother you too much as this shouldn't be your problem. you already have many things to take care of.

I don't like doing all those tests, I feel like guinea pig. I have no choice.

Let me tell YOU and you something. I feel dizzy EVERYDAY. However, it take more energy to drive to Mississauga as I need to keep telling myself "I need to drive safely". Once I arrive home. I really want to just jump into YOU and rest. Good that YOU send you to me almost everyday.

you have your own life as well, I can't be selfish and make you to be with me time after work. I am sure YOU are letting me to learn how to be stronger and how to belove. Thank you.

When I look further, seems like nice weather, but rain coming up. Rain is not a bad thing at all. Without rain, our nature will suffer from dehydrating. Good that little sets of rains are coming. I am not afraid. I am not in fear! Little rain can moisturize me time to time.

Thank you and thank YOU!

Flame in my heart!

After the brutal weekend (emotionally), I picked up my feeling to my job and got back to work on Monday. Working a bit weird bcoz I didn't really feel like to communicate with Alice. I meant I was not mad at her, but just didn't know how to deal with her.

I even had tried to find another job over the weekend, of coz just browsing, as I promised Leader I would walk with her for this coming event, no matter what... It was too hard...

Closed to dinner time, Alice called and asked me to give her updates. At the end, I told her what she talked to me last Friday was very making me uncomfortable. That really bothered me. She forgot what she said!!!!

Anyway, Thank God that I was brave enough to speak up for myself. I tried NOT to being subjective, but being so calm and nice to her. Thank God for giving me patience and wisdom on that.

Pressure keep adding on, Fire in my heart keep moving up.....

Go Go Go, Percy!!!

"Sai" ed, don't miss me.

Dear God,

I have tried to serve you thru my work. Please help me. I really found that I do have a lot of People problem. I am really not good at that. I don't like to IMPRESS people, bcoz I found people are scary. My heavenly father, please take care of my heart. I don't want to be hurt. Alice said a lot of mean things as I couldn't imagine my boss would say that.

Please soften my heart as I am upset and angry of what she said to me... My Lord, I have to behave, I have to control myself in all direction, bcoz I am your daughter. You saved my life and I really want to tell the WORLD how much you love me and how much I want to be a good christian. Please help me.

I do make mistakes in my life. please forgive me as I didn't mean to keep making mistakes repeatly. Sorry. Please take away the temptations from me.

Please take care of my health. Kind of worry, not worried about my health, but Life is short to be with people I love, I care.

God, Thanks for all your love to me and to the people around me. Thank you.

God, Thanks for letting KM knows more about you. You are the BEST!

I am praying in the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen.

Love letter to You from me

Dear You,

Do you know I miss you very much... doesn't matter how long I see you everyday... I just miss you very much.

I am afraid that I lose you.
I am afraid that you don't love me anymore.

I am afraid that the happy moment will be gone soon.

But you keep telling me how much you love me, how long you want to be with me.

I don't trust my ears, bcoz I never have someone talk to me like you.

I don't trust my eyes, bcoz I never have someone look at me like you.

I don't trust my sense, bcoz I never have someone touch my heart like you...

I am really feeling bad that I upset you. I didn't mean to. Just bcoz there were too many people see me as "brother", "best friend", "good friend" ... I never have someone so-called "Best friend" love me to have relationship with. When you said 'Best friend', I got so sensitive... I got upset... again? why?

Good that you are more mature than me alot, and you are a logic person. I know I am saved to be with you. I know I am being protected at all time. I am melted by you everyday.

Believe or not, I think too much bcoz I love you so very much. Please don't leave me.

Love,

me.

Happy Chinese new year

I really like this picture, the smiles are so cheerful!

Happy Chinese new year everyone.

Chasing Love Musical Drama

This will be one TIME Drama as you won't be able to watch it in HK or anywhere but only Canada during that week.

Give me a call if you are interested to buy tickets.

Dear God, Thank you for giving me the opportunities to have chance to organize this and please give me wisdom and strength as I am so weak mentally, spiritually and physically. Please lead me to the path I need to work on. I love you, Lord. Please take care of everyone who is related to this Drama, make it happens!!! Give all the GLORIES to you, my heavenly father! ~Amen.

Please forgive me, but thank you

Dear God,

please forgive me not to attend churches as I really need you all the time.
please forgive me to take risk as I shouldn't do.
please forgive me not to listen to people around me as I really understand I made the mistake.

But, my heavenly father,
Thank you for giving me a chance to spread your words and your love.
Thank you for letting me explore something under your protection
Thank you for learning how to love and beloved.

My Lord, I praised you up high as you love me very much and being so kind and so nice to me. Please let me know how to open his heart as well. I know it is not my business, but I would like to help out. Please soften his heart and guide him walk closed to you. This is something I am praying for.

Praying in your Name, ~ Amen

Thank Lord.

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me the strength to believe what you gave me.

Thank you for passing me a new hope in 2009

Thank you for taking care of me and the people around me physically and spiritually.

Please take care of our heart as we don't want to do something to make you mad.

Please protect us from the evil people in this society.

Please be with us as you are our LORD and we will be safe under your power.

Please guide me to spread your LOVE to others as they need you as well.

I thank you Lord for being with me in both sad and joyful time.

I thank you Lord for opening my eyes to see the BIG picture of the world. How beautiful it is.

My Heavenly father, I praised to you as I need your light on the path. Thank you my Lord.

I am praying in the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen.

When I try to take it slow, it goes away just like that...

Dear God,

Please take my tears away...
I don't want to cry. I am telling myself not to cry. I know the truth before it comes out.

The truth is:
I am not good enough??
I am a loser??

My heavenly father, I have been praying for this and you tell me to wait. I have been waiting. When I think it's time, how come it has been taken away immediately?

Please forgive me being so stupid...
but I don't want to be too friendly, that is why everyone see me as best friend, good friend. End up I am still alone.

Please take my fear away...
I am afraid to lose him, end up he walks away from me... the fear of loniness is WAY bigger than YOU that it is covering me. Please take it away...

I don't know who I should turn to, but you, my Lord. I don't understand, why it happens like this? When I want it slow, it goes away too fast...

My mind is so confused now, my tears can't stop dropping down, my dear LORD, please help me.. please help me...

Praying in Christ,
Amen

Lead me the way, please....

Dear God,

I miss por por so much... and the places that i used to go in HK. I want to go back HK for X'mas, please lead me the way.... please let me open my wings to there...

in Christ,
Amen.

Sorry...

Sorry, didn't mean to hurt you.
Sorry, didn't mean to ignore you.
Sorry, didn't mean to avoid you.
Sorry, didn't mean to stop talking to you.

Just bcoz...
I do care about you a lot
I do treasure the friendship
I do understand the big picture.

Plus...
I don't want to be hurt
I don't want to be disappointed

I tell you why...
I am too selfish.....

This is how I am now...

很想輕撫你 所以避開你
寧願用距離 去令你好奇
迴避過眼神 先偷偷喘氣
吩咐手臂 放在原地

傳聞浪漫太快 愛戀都走得快
才會 遲遲未步向你 說一世愛護你


情太過洶湧像深海 而我卻會忍耐
但求來日你醒過來 這份情像翅膀打開
還沒有相擁別意外 神教會我等待
待情流像細水 才去承諾你
拿一生兌換愛


很心急擁抱 所以在禱告
求甜蜜以前 帶著你慢步
遊歷過旅途 等一天終老
生老病死 一起細數


原來慢慢靠近 更珍惜這一吻
而我 停留是為了你 要給予你護蔭

能為愛戀學習按捺 情信寄進心內
但求能學會倚靠神 愛被馴服過更精采

連地老天荒亦不更改 時間永遠等待
等你情願那天 才去承諾你
無止境那份愛

我用沈默叫醒愛情 你用期待做你反應
繼續行近直至開始愛

Especially for you

What do you think about this X'mas card? When I pick up this card, the shimmer in the X'mas ball was frozen. Takes me 10 mins to defrost it.

After I got off work, I told myself, no matter how tired I was... I MUST head to GYM. I was checking out my GYM bag... SHOOOT!!! I don't have my panties.... but then... I was going to just buy a new one... I remembered I forgot to pick up my X'mas present from Sandy's house.

Before I dropped by La XXX Vie store, before I went to Gym, I went to Sandy's house. Walked quietly to her mailbox, picked up the gift where she told me her mom put my gift there. I brought it with me and I was opening my present... haahhaah! EMILY PANTIES!!! what the heck??? (Sorry, due to confidential issue, I will not show my new EMILY Panties!) Then I went to GYM directly...

After Gym, I was sitting in the changing room by myself, resting and got ready to shower, Sandy's x'mas card popped out, I opened it and read it. Oh.... my tear came out and non-stop, just like the Korean film, BIG drop of tear came out no where ....

Dearest San San,

Yes, I am very lazy spiritually. I am hiding my smile. I am trying to find what I like.

Yes, I need your positive energy. I am trying to share my smile. I am looking for what I like.

Thank you for your caring since I knew you in Hamilton. Just like sisters. Sister that not growing up together, but having each other in the heart. The most happiness moment that you shared with me not your marriage, not your birthday but you became CHRISTIAN! Thank God for that.

san san... tear still coming out. You always touch my heart. Thank you.