After the broke up with Jason, I went out with Fred for a while. I was not too sure what I really wanted. I thought it was not fair to Fred to be the rebounce. I called off the relationship, but I still kept pretty good relationship with Fred. Good Relationship as friend, as well as good female friend sometimes. He treated me very nice but I really didn't think I knew what I was doing.
I prayed to my LORD and asked for direction. He ended the relationship between Fred and me and I stopped dating since then. I tried to look for the better relationship, not too sure if I was too scared to hurt others or being hurt. Just can't showing my love or giving the right signals to others. I re-read the book named "I kissed dating goodbye" again. ( I actually didn't finish the book yet) The author wrote some major points that I wanted to say them out but not too sure what words I should used. I started to learn how to be a christian who GOD wants. I started to pray to LORD to find the right one for me, so I don't need to look around. I hope everything should come out smooth, bcoz it is hold by GOD.
I lost one of the chance, the guy I like he has a gf now. I do have some single males... but I am afraid to have further relationship with anyone of them. However, I started to build myself a wall. A wall between my male friends (those I think they have potential to be my bf.) and me. I don't know what I should talk, but I am thinking to set up the barrier in between.
It is not fair for myself, but I do think it is one of the good way to protect myself. I guess the best thing is to open my heart. Oh well... If 'he' is the one, GOD will show HIS way. What do you think?
