"Tam Kwan Kon"

A lot of people didn't know Tam Kwan Kon. He was one of the best people in my life. He was my Granduncle, my grandma's brother. He was a soccer legend in HK history. He was goalkeeper in Nam Wah Soccer team back in 50s. He moved to Toronto, Canada in 1976. I didn't have a chance to see him until I was 6. I went to Toronto for visiting and it was the first time I met him. He was 6 ft tall, very build in body with a big SMILE on his face at all time.

The last time I saw him was in hospital in Jan, 2002. I was the one who zipped his bag. I would not forget that scene. I drove very fast from Guelph to Toronto downtown (I was/am still not a downtown person). Boy jai was in the car. I ran up to his ward, my cousin Yu Hon was there waiting for me. I looked at him and he signed me to walk into the room. I went inside and I saw a big plastic bag. First time ever I got so closed to death. I uncovered the bag and I saw him. He was with "staple" on his head (He had a head surgery before he passed away), eyes closed and mouth opened. I couldn't stop my tears and I started to touch his face. First time to touch a person who used to laugh with me, but then slept in the bag. I told him that I thanked him for giving me the honor to close the plastic bag for him. I told him not to worry about grand auntie, I would take care of her for him.

Do you know why I had to mention about it? Honestly, I really don't know. I was thinking of him last night when I was driving back home on 14th Ave. I missed him very much and I started to cry really bad. I really miss him very much!!!! I know that he is waiting for me in the heaven (he is a christian) and I am sure he will be happy to see me again in the heaven. This actually triggers me to be a good christian and find a way to get close to God. I want to learn from God, and I am sure God will guide me all the way from now to the time I go back to Him.

Yeah, I miss you, 5 Kau Gung!!!! I really do!!!!

Life Planning

It is not too late to have a planning, right? I am wondering what I should do in order to get closer to God. Yeah, I admit that I am not strong enough in faith. That is one of the reasons to have a plan.

Here is my plan(Now till Dec 31):

Daily Devotion: Luke and Acts
Daily readings: try to get out Exdous as soon as possible
Side dish: Purpose Driven Life

I am trying to have long term plan, but I know it is not planned by me, but God. however, I prayed to Lord and see what he showed me... so far so good. Even it is only 1 month plan, I really like it very much.

Percy

How much can I handle?

Dear God,

Would you tell me what it means by “friendship”? Why am I friend with him when he hurts me that much? Would you tell me why? Dear my heavenly father, would you tell me why it happened to me? Did I choose the wrong friend? Did I do it on purpose to torture myself??? How come he hurts me so much… and never say a SORRY to me…? Why he treats me like SHIT while I treasure his friendship so much? Why does he has to treat me like this??? Are you trying to prove anything….Are you trying to tell me how much you love me by sending this person to me…? Sorry… My Lord… please let me go back to you …. Please let me just leave his world… I don't know how much I can handle… I don't know how much I can bear with.

Please LORD … please help me… I have a lot of things to go through….. please guide me… I don't know if I can handle it well.. handle it right… please lead me… without you, I have no way to go…I have no place to stay…. Please forgive me how stupid I am… please forgive me how dumb I am…. Please forgive me … how weak I am. I am not willing to give up… but I am telling myself to give up. I am suck at work… I am dumb in friendship… I am no one in relationship… whatelse can I be?

(finished by crying out and hurting myself until I saw blood...)