away and back...

Some of you may wonder where I am.

Sorry, my friends. My mom is sick, and I am taking care of her 24-7.

It is very energy drainage. Not that I don't like to take care of her, but she has been up and down in the past weeks and I have to find different way to cheer her up. *sigh* ... not a very good thing I can do EVERYDAY.

Good that I have Kenneth to walk this journey with me. I have been working on the schedule and stuffs for my wedding while Mom is resting. I think it is very very easy... I guess I didn't reach the hard part yet.

At the same time, I am working the annual dinner event for CCAMMA. I don't know how to write so the president does has a certain level of STRESS to correct my wordings. Hahaaha! just like ... Teacher correct student's assignment. Sorry, Loretta. Didn't have the mood to revise and revise. just revise once and send to her... Poor her...

Anyway... Snow out... Wind out... very very cold!!!!! -10!!! Good luck to us...

I am going away between Dec 17 and Dec 25.

Heading to where? hahaahahaa! You will find out later.

Being Sensitive...

Talking about how I feel these days...

TO be honest, I can't feel of anything.... Bcoz...

I am very sensitive to the people around me.

Sensitive how Mom is doing... feeling cold? feeling hot? feeling dizzy? feeling vomit? feeling stomache? feeling angry? feeling hopeless....

Sensitive how Kenneth with other female friends... talking about friend[s], actually just ONE that I am very sensitive about. Of coz Kenneth is not agreed of how I feel. He doesn't understand the way I think of that. OH well... it passed... .Hope it really passed...

Sensitive how Mickey and Cookie doing... they both are senior dogs... the way they walk, they bark, they eat... are getting different from before...

I am not worried, just sensitive...

I have a feeling that one of my friends is actually doing something betrayed me but she doesn't know. She thinks it is ok to share my information with others... humm... I have to revise about our relationship on this issue. Oh well...

Right now... just ... do whatever I need to do...

Take care of my Mom.

Hard to say...

Just by how I looked... could you tell what went wrong?

To be honest, I didn't know... First time ever I felt dizzy that I couldn't control. First time I felt how much I didn't prepare enough for the living people.

Maybe I should prepare things before I leave this place... right?

一個人。。。

一個人要識講大話係要叻到連自己既大話係真。唔單止一個“擒” 一個﹐仲要係駁到成為生活一部份。

一個人最失望係再尊重唔到一直尊重既人。

一個人被人鄙視既時候就係傷害到自己家人同時以為自己掩飾得好好。。。。

What a stressful day...

I am trying so hard... to relax...

I am supposed to relax...
I am really stressed right now....

Today is not a good day. I thought I can be relaxed, end up I have to alert at all time...

Cookie is not feeling well...
Mickey is peeing everywhere....
Thinking about my invitation card.... at the same time... need to find the reasons to support my own ideas to Fiance...
Tring to lose more pounds but end up gained 0.75lb....
Willing to get stuffs done, but at the same time... I am telling myself ....



Percy Chan...


One thing at a time....



One by one....



DON'T RUSH!!!

But ... my money is slipping away....

Need to get myself together and find a job ....

But I guess... I will leave this part to God. He knows what is the best for me.... he planned my road.... God bless to me....

Cookie I love you....

After my resignation, I am trying to recover from high stress level to normal. Still have quite a bit neck pain and can't really go to sleep yet. I guess it takes sometimes to do so.

I went to talk to brother Chris (Pastor Chris) and he taught me one very important thing: one little thing at a time. I set a goal and acheive everyday. That will build up my self-esteem.
It is not easy for me to build it from ZERO.

I should thank my ex-manager. If she didn't drag me to ZERO self-esteem, I would not do it from beginning.

Everyday, I do thing little by little, and find sometimes to take the following pictures. It is time to take more or I will regret like what I did to Boy jai and Connor. Take more pictures and he will be my memories in the future.


He always get very tired. His hind legs are not really working properly anymore, but he is very brave and work on "get up", "go upstairs" himself. He is strong enough NOT to let us help him. He still has very nice coat. very nice manner and of coz, his pair of pity eyes.

He starts to reduce the alert as he has nothing to lose anymore. He never use to sleep in day time with eye close. Now he does it ALL the time... Whenever he gets up, he will look for me. Make sure people around him. Gives me a big YAWN and lie back down. This is his day. He prefers not to walk around to be security guard anymore. He prefers to stay with me. He rather walk around me instead of search around the house.

One day, I am too concentrated to look at him, and I fall to sleep. When I open my eyes, I see...

a BIG HEAD and a pair of BIG EYES looking right back at me...

He is very closed to me. I mean too close... my eyes go out of focus. He is very very closely watching me. guarding me. He doesn't step back at all since day 1 he lives with me. Only me, left him behind... always left him behind...

Take a closer look at him again. Finally, his grey/white hair starts to grow more and more around his nose, now.... around his eyes too... still ... he looks so handsome and he knows he is still handsome. I never abandon him. He was being left behind twice. I won't let it happen to him again. I will walk with him until the last breathe he has.

Cookie, I love you. I know your legs are hurting and you pretends nothing bothering you. I know your eyes can't see clear anymore. Don't worry. I will be your guide. bcoz you are my cookie. The only Cookie I will ever have.... You are just too unique... too special...

Cookie, I love you always. Don't leave me too soon.

Losing weight.

Weight Loss PLAN started 3 weeks ago. It was awesome. First time ever I felt awesome. I lost 10 lbs in the 1st week.

So sad, I went to Ottawa with friends, end up I gained 6 lbs right the way....

Started from then... it was so hard to accept the difficulty of lossing weight again.

I am going to work so hard... bcoz I believe my pre-wedding pictures should be taken in Oct. It is very frustrated on how to prepare myself in a peaceful way.... Ka Ho got into car accident, then his wisdom teeth (yeah.. can't believe it.. he had wisdom teeth).... then ... my accupunture,etc etc.

Just so many things. I am very tired. I just want to find the TIME.... pass thru peacefully... but not rushing to this, and rushing to that... What the heck...??

Now... I am not in hurry to look for job ... Going to rest, trying to recover from healthy body... losing some weight...

THis is my goal... LOSING as much as POSSIBLE.... before OCT!!!!

THIS IS a MUST!! a MUST MUST MUST!!!!!!!!

It is time...

IT is not the time to CONFRONT what it went wrong.

It is time to take care of the people who is still alive.
It is time to take care of the people who passed away and wanted to go home.
It is time to love the people around you when you still can.
It is time to alert ourselves how we should treasure of what we have.
It is time to bless of what we had, what we still have...

Final decision: taking a rest.

It is a big decision.

But I can't think of anything else.... but making sure my health is getting better.

I have been pushed, forced to do something out of my limit. I can't breathe.. but no one care... I am not happy... , it included into my income. I need to get out... but I need to think first.

Honestly, I love my work. I really do. I love my job. I love World Vision Canada. But ... it is time for me to think if I should stay there anymore. I can't stand it anymore.... I mean... I can't stand HER anymore... why do I care about her that much when I should care my health.

I know they will be so mad at me... and maybe I will have phone calls and stuffs. Oh well... they can handle it.. I will let them do it.

I am going to hand the Dec NL action plan to them.
I will send the businesss sponsor list to them.
I will pass the stuffs to Ginnie. (Poor ginnie)....

God, please forgive me to leave my team in the middle of the event. I need a rest... I really need a rest... I can't wait until the event finish. There will be abother event....

If SHE didn't trigger me, I guess I will stuck at the position ... wanna go...but can't. I have to prove that it is their loss to push me to the corner.

It is HER! it is ALL HER!!!!!

Thank for letting me to have him in my life.

I am not happy... I don't know why...

I sit down and look at myself.... just .... don't like myself at all...

My tears start dropping down... Don't know how to stop it and not even know what the reason is...

Good that HE provides me a man who doesn't mind me, who loves me very much, who teaches me how to love myself.

He stays with me on the phone until I fall to sleep. How can I find a better person in my life like him?

How can I change my mind in order to make sure I know how to love myself and love him more everyday?

Thank God for giving me Kenneth Man.

Thank God for letting me have him in my life.

Thank you, my heavenly father.

Cooking Pa Pa

Can't believe it....

My Dad never cook in his life. When I was little, he only cooked Instant Noodle.

This time when Dad came back, he had been preparing the dishes for Mom. I just couldn't believe it.

Cream of Corn with Tofu and chicken
Garlic Shrimp
Tomatoes Pork
Steamed fish
Veggie (Hin Choi) with Pei egg and salty egg
Beef with White radish
Soya Sause chicken
Salmon Sashimi
Korean Beef with 3 colour peppers

Dessert: Fu Jok Egg

That was a VERY LONG Cooking time as Dad is a newbie for cook and he had been learning from cook book. He could only do One thing at a time. from 3:00pm - 9:30pm.

I am very appreciated it. Actually, the food were not bad afterall. They were good.

Tonight.... I had Red Bean Dessert.... *sigh*....

Anyway.... ok lar... ok lar... it is very good... good...

Thank you, Daddy... You are the Cooking Pa pa...

Dear God, Help me...

Dear God,

I am so lost.
When he said, "I am scared, I don't know you anymore..."
That really hurts me. I don't know what I did wrong. that is the problem.
I am praying to you, bcoz I know you are the only one who can help me out. I am no where to go now.
I am looking at my breakfast, and didn't want to eat it, that is bad.
I am looking at my work and I started to work on it without thinking, that is bad.
I am looking at myself and I feel so disgusting, that is bad.

Please help me. Please help me to solve the issue between Kenneth and I. I have no clue why he thinks this way. Am I mentally ill? Am I nervous breaking down? Am I being a coward? Am I denying something that I supposed not to? There are so many questions in my head now....

Please forgive me if I did things wrong. I ran away from home bcoz I am so scared of my Mom. Mom's temper is scaring me and I don't know how to deal with it. The good way to make both cool down is ... that I stay away from the madness. Maybe I should go for a place no one knows. I don't know.

I am scared... when I heard what he said... First thing up to my mind was "Is he trying to break up with me?" this happened to me couple times... that sentense was the beginning of break up.

What should I do? What should I do? What should I do???

I am so lost... ... ... ... tears are coming down non-stop. Should I start taking the pills?

Hong Kong Trip 2009-2010

Mom, when will you understand?

This is not a very good start for a week.

Mom got mad at me without a good reason... just say that I am not very well behave??? What does she mean by NOT WELL????

I am telling her how I feel and how I think ... not even raise up my voice.... or with the RUDE TONE.....

For her, just different from her idea.... that is called "YELLING AT HER".... When did she start being so polite ??????

It hurts....

It really hurts...

It is so hurt to the family .... Hurt that how Mom treats us... Hurt that how Mom being so non-sense and never listen to others... Everytime... It is only MY problem, MY attitudes, MY issues..... She thinks she is always RIGHT!!!!!

Never wrong...

I really want to find Pastor Lau to help if she pushes me that far... I really want to but if I go to this step, that means... she will not stay here anymore... Then Dad will suffer in HK....

When will Mom realize this is not right? when will she understand that we are just telling her our opinions doesn't mean we are againsting her.

Humm.... it is not right... it is just not right....

Ming Pao Interview on May 23, 2010

My first interview on Newspaper.

By Grace Tsoi (Ming Pao Toronto)

Thank you very much.

Encouragement from HIM

I have been upset in the past 2 days. Physically and mentally not feeling well. Mentally not feeling well bcoz I finally realized that I can't really go for what I want. The disappointment is really bad.

I didn't talk to many people, but just a few of them. Of coz they understood how I felt as they knew I really wanted what I couldn't get. I wanted to get married in Church, but it seems like very not Dorable.

Anyway, I received an email from a friend today:

Hi Percy,

I hope you are having a nicer day today. Although I don't know all the details, but sis, you do have my support.

今時今日要找到一個在主內相知相愛的人不是容易的。 It's good to have the perfect wedding as planned, but at the end of the day, what's most important is 嫁個好老公。... ... 有時為愛而放棄權利才是最偉大的。

愛裡沒有懼怕﹔愛既完全﹐就把懼怕除去。

you and you hubby will be in my prayer!!! Smile girl!!! 當你知道... what is the most important... god will take care of the rest.

Love in HIM...

This is very encouraging.

Do you see what I am seeing?


Doesn't matter how bad weather outside? There is a "Fish" on top of me and protecting me. Then why worried bad weather outside?

Thank you for all of your prayers.