today's feeling

It is very annoying...

My tentant left without paying the last rental.

However... All Carpets need to renovate, all walls need to be cleaned, etc etc....

Ho Ma Fan...

I don't like legal... action... it goes too far ....

Not feeling well, nose blooding...

Since I was little, I am very emotional. I don't hide my feeling. When I happy, I laugh so hard; When I sad, I cry out loud. This is what I used to do.

When I am growing up, I sometimes do not express my feeling right. I don't know why, but it hurts inside me badly.

I remembered one time, I was screaming to my brothers. I was so mad (actually I got upset) and end up... I got nose bleeding.... and I used the bowl to hold on my blood.

Tonight, mom was trying to comfort me. She never success and end up she got me even more upset. It was good some ways, bcoz I just couldn't cry it out before that... All of a sudden, I cried it out and as well as my nose blood.

Nose blood couldn't stop...and my tears kept dropping...

(the following pictures are not very nice one, please prepare you will see BLOOD)

















Began on the sofa, then I didn't know until the blood on my hand...



this is within 5 seconds... my blood was dripping.


Don't worry... it slowed down...

Negative... drag me to the bottom...

Today I have a really adnormal day.

I keep telling myself to work and work and work.... with NORMAL mood...
Inside me, I am very very depressed. I mean... I am very depressed of what happened.

I want to cry, but tears are not coming out...
the tears are dropping inside to my heart. I really can't handle it anymore...

I am looking at the medicine, I want to have at least one... or I should take the whole bottle. I have been taking those medicine for 3 years... and now ... I can't believe that I stopped it for 7 months. It is very sun fu.

I want to cry... I want to cry it out loud... but I can't ...

Why? Why Why do I feel so negative?

Sorry, Kenneth

Dear Kenneth,

I want to say SORRY to you, but I don't know how to. I don't want to give you any hard time. But I can't help thinking negative. I know it hurts our relationship. I don't really want to do that.

I know you already do a lot to secure our relationship, but it is my fault not to handle it properly. It is all my fault. I was getting mad "non-sense" and I honestly, don't want you to suffer in something like that.

I believe it is my fault.. it is all my fault.

Don't worry. you will not need to suffer something like that. You don't need to.

I love you deeply from my heart, and I can't see how I hurt you. I am sorry.

Love,
Percy

don't let my stupid stop my man loves me.

Dear God,

Things are not followed what I want. It should follow of what you planned.

Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for taking care of the people around me. I am just being selfish. I am just being stupid. Please forgive me.

There is a guy I love very much, but I always make him mad. I still don't understand why I do so.

Bcoz I want his care?
Bcoz I want his attention?
Bcoz I want his love?
Bcoz I want his security?

My Lord, please take care of my thinking. I don't want to go with my way, but your way. Please LORD to help me.... I am afraid to lose him. Please don't let me do stupid thing, my way, to make him stop loving me.

MY Lord, I am learning how to follow your way, I am going forward to the way you planned for me, please take care....of what I do. If I make it wrong... please make sure you guide me back to the way you planned for me.

I love you very much, my heavenly father.

Praying in the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen.

Obey

As you may not know, my company has chapel every wednesday before noon.

Today, the pastor talked about "Obey". When God calls you, have you ever misunderstand his calls? or you actually ignore his calls?

When God shows you the REALITY of the world, there are so many people need help, instead of donate money to the charities, you are still holding the money and thinking whether you should get NIKE runners or PUMA sneakers?

Not asking you should have ALL money to the poor, but when you are complaining the burger you are eating is not good taste enough, there are millions of people suffering malnutrition by only eating dirty corn powder.

When you know someone wasting food just for better "looking food setting" or "better taste" (I heard someone who called himself a CHEF who use the WHOLE SALMON for the sause and throw the SALMON to the garbage) This is called WASTE FOOD.

When God shows all these to us, and let us have a heart to "willing to help out", would you ignore this and walk away?

You don't need to do much, but just be a better person.
TURN off the light when you don't need to use them,
DON'T use too much water just making you feel SAFE,
EAT what you order, ORDER what you can eat.

This is simple, please keep in mind. Don't waste the resource in this world.

meebo Ken and me

Just how to communicate with my Honey when he is so busy.... and didn't have a chance to come to see me.