Hide, hide, hide....

It is better harder and harder.... very difficult...

The only thing I can do now.... is hide. Hide from friends and the world. I shouldn't rely on the drug... but I really want to take the pills almost 2 months. It is just getting harder and harder...

I sometimes don't know why I get so upset, and also, I don't understand why it triggers me easily....

I can't stand anymore... the only thing I can control it... is .. CRY till tired.... then I will go to sleep right after crying.

It is difficult to breath lately... Not bcoz of work, not bcoz of friends, not bcoz of family, but myself.

Die is easier than live at this moment...

This is the place I like....

This is really called BLUE SKY & WHITE CLOUDS

This is ROAD.... LONG ROAD..... never to the end... keep going and going...

Ahhh!! This is home. This is my 30somthing birthday present and the Poo (created by my uncle, looked so real, right? hahaaa)

For those live in Toronto, you know this is my Brother's car, right? yeah... HK taxi look alike. So many times got waves in Chinese Mall and Police pulled over....

Stupid Ka Ho!

This is the view from my driveway. I just love this house very much. It may be time to move on... soon...

Dear God,

Today... it was a very long day for me.

My emotion drags me to down valley very much. It is very hard for me to do so...

Honestly, it is really SUN FU!

I really want to take the pills again.... it release my stress...
but ...I can't take them anymore bcoz it posioned me for so long... it is time for me to stop even it drags me very depressed...

Please take care of me. Please take my sadness away...

I am praying to the name of Christ.

~Amen.

It's over...

Doesn't matter.... it's over...

Doesn't matter... I don't want to think anymore...

Doesn't matter... it's over...

Doesn't matter... doesn't matter anymore... ... ... ...

It's over... It's over...

It's another brand new day, don't waste it, make it graceful to our heavenly father!!!!

Today is a brand new day. I praised to LORD that I am still alive and I am happily to spend my day.

Vincent's first day in the team. it seems like he never leave the dept. Good to have him back. Hope we both can work together. God has his plan for Vincent back to here. Hope things are getting better.

I need my health back. I am going to do something in order to make it happen. This is my Goal. I can't destroy what God gave me. I need to protect it.

I am using some cleanse program to detox my body. Hopefully, it helps me a little bit.

Every morning, I need to remind myself, "It's a brand new day! Don't waste it, make it graceful and useful to my Heavenly father".

Work hard, stay healthy and enjoy what GOD is giving us no matter good or bad. Learn how to enjoy all different situation! Praise to LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

=)

No title weekend...

Last Weekend was good weather...

I woke up not too early, but good enough to have brunch with Kenneth's relatives. It was good to see some new faces and his Uncle 7 and Auntie 7. They were so nice to me. I felt like family. Thank you. Those new faces didn't really talk to me but I was trying my best to be myself. As most of you know I am very dramatic. I don't like hiding myself even my mom told me that I should do it sometimes in front of people. I just don't like it.

After brunch, I was really full. I actually went to a Home Decor warehouse (on the way home) with Kenneth, I was just going there with a curious heart, but Kenneth was so happy to get so many photo frames. I am not a photo frame person. I guess I don't have much space to put on the frames on the desk. He bought a lot, I was assuming that he put his daughter's pictures on, but he told me he would put some of my pictures on those frame. Humm.... 1st time I didn't really want to.

Ka Ho brought Connor to vet when I was fighting the photo frames with Kenneth, Ka Ho called me about Connor re-check went ok. Good, I didn't need to pay extra more for his teeth. Kenneth always said that Connor worth from nothing to $1400s. Hahahaa!

I was tired as I never be a shopaholic! I went home with Kenneth (with his photo frame(s)). Then we went out again, I wanted to get myself rest, but end up out of the house again. Honestly, kind of tired of even sitting on the car.

Kenneth went to OPEN HOUSE with me. I was so happy, even he claimed that was just a view for his investment. I understood that he was respecting my opinion. We went to 3 different builders: Monach, Andrin and West Village. The prices were extremely crazy. 50' lots from $550,000s to $700,000s!!!! We both agreed that we shouldn't find the BIG house. I insisted to have master bedroom with "Walk-in closet" (s). Kenneth agreed as he saw what I had... I definitely need a WALK-IN closet. I also wanted something "Open" I don't like Living room, family room, dinning room are all seperated into "block room".... open area was something I was looking for.

Andrin's bloosom Elevation B should be a good idea. We went back to the builder on Sunday, the lot Kenneth liked was gone. Both of us were so disappointed. However, prayed to LORD hope there would have some good choice available for Kenneth. It would be located Woodbine and Major Mackenzie. Very closed to the new address of Zion.

It seems like the new chapter of my life is getting closer... and closer.... Should I prepare for the time? or just ignore this until it comes? I am a day dreamer, this is a good excuse to think of my new chapter. =)

Would you be happy for me if the time really come?