Requests = ?

My neck is getting better, but I can't really sit still as my lower back hurts really bad.

This morning, so many requests from my leader. *sigh*...

I have been asking myself. How far can I stand? how much should I handle? it is still a question mark. What should I do?

Peoplephobia

Don't really like to go out these days, as it is so expensive for only ONE bubble tea.

This weekend will be my last "FREE" weekend until Oct.

I feel so complicated now. Need to work when I am in pain. It is very difficult to concentrate, but life must go on. No matter you like it or not.

Life must go on...

Why am I a marketing coordinator when I don't really like to deal with people?
Why am I feeling so lonely when there are friends and family around me?
Why am I being so complicated when I really want to have a simple life?

I am ok, not too worry

July 19, 2008.

I was in BC, and on the way to airport to Toronto.

Stopped at the intersection between West minister Hwy & No. 5, a MPV mini van went right to Suk Yin's side (driver side) without any notice. We were hitted and landed on the curve. He didn't stop until he hit a van and it flipped over.

I checked myself and I was ok. Suk Yin went really shocked (she still didn't know what happened) I went to the scene and tried to help, but already too many people, so I decided to help Suk Yin first. She was still in the car, didn't know what happened, how serious it was. I settled her on the side of the road.

Ambulance, Firemen and polices were arrived. Firemen took out the flipped car driver, Medic went to check with everyone, mainly the non-stop driver. I was standing at aside and hugging Suk Yin. She started feeling dizzy. Medic came to us and took Suk Yin to the Ambulance. that was the 1st time I felt so insecure. I was in no where, I didn't have any people's no. I didn't even have my phone (I left my luggages in the car).

Anyway, I managed to fly back to Toronto, then I felt pain on the rightside of the neck, and a bit stiffed.

Sunday afternoon, started to feel low back pain, and decided to see ER. ER.... what an ER! The doctor didn't even touch me and just signed me off with the Physiotherapy note. Kind of useless, but better than nothing.

Pain started growing and I went to see Dr. Lo, then report to statefarm and start to search Physio. I just couldn't believe that I was only the Victim and I end up spent to much time to do those paper works.

I will post some pictures later on. I took those pictures when I was still ok in BC.

Thank you God for saving my life and Suk Yin's life.
Thank you God for protecting me by giving me the right direction to do the right steps
Thank you God for showing your LOVE to me again and again on this experience.

Hope things are going to be fine.

Don't worry, my friends. I am ok. Still alive!

Prayer

Dear God,

Please help me. I am very tired physically. I would like to have sometimes to rest, but at the same time, I need your support.

I have no idea why I am so stressed. Bcoz of no sponsorship? no solid organized plan? or don't want to take any challenge anymore?

Please protect me as I am very tired. Please guide me and please show me how to love myself.

I am praying in the name of Christ, ~Amen.

DS nights

Not that we have nothing else to do, but this is one of the best game to play with friends.

Even TV was on, Everyone was so addict into their own "TV". It was scary that even the men screamed like little gals (yeah, when someone bumped them into the lava in mario karts)

Everyone has their position and areas to play their little DS...
When you took a deep look, there were two games going on: Tetris and Mario Karts...

What was I playing? I was playing with my camera. It was fun to take the pictures of them.

My new activity at home

my buddy: Greentea
My doggy: Connor
Greentea will fly out from the cage, stand close to Connor, look at him....
then he will come close to Connor....and try to TEASE him.. by "wheking" to him.... and going towards his paw.
When Connor moves, Greentea flies away and Connor will go after him and tries to "lick him"

What kind of Entertainment I have at home?

Don't say my home is messy, just making sure the animals feel like home.

Looking for the meaning of LIFE

so proud of King being a Magician. He uses what he learned to serve God. That is even Awesome!

After being Lost at church, I kept losing myself afterward... I tried to keep mom positive as I knew she would be so worried about me. We went to costco, and one of a few times ever that I didn't talk much during the deadair. (If you know me well, you know how much I hate DEADAIR)

After dropping mom off, and I tried to do some work before I headed to Splendid China Tower. That was not a good event, but eventually, we were talking about the "HEART". It counted!

It was only $400s something, but still a lot of money to the people who needed. I didn't mind to be there and got the money. I was very tired mentally, and I told myself that I needed to do something to relax and support myself. I chose the Off Leash Dog park.

There are so many dogs at the park today. Lucky Cookie and Connor went there and social with others. Well, actually they didn't hang around with other dogs, but mainly human beings or I should say, ME!

Good that Suk Yin called me. I was so frustrated at the situation I had. I was angry how Vince treated me. I respected him, but he was like... he gave me some tips to work on the events when he was happy, or gave me shit when he was not happy. I kept asking God why HE put me in such situation.

Suk Yin was care enough to listen to me. Whenever I went to look for sponsors, there were just NO one willing to do so. What the hell??? they would sponsored the ARTISTS, but not the good things they should do. When they sponsored WVC, the money would not go to ME, but end up to the children in poverty! What the hell....??

Anyway, Thank you Suk Yin for being a good listener, adviser, sister, leader,etc... She didn't need to do this, but she did for me. Thank you.

I was still very stressed even I talked to Suk Yin and I cooked with Mom. Tried to cover my "lost face", but eventually, I thought to go out a bit to reduce the negative energy. I went to Wenkie for DS. Julio, Lewis and Wenkie were there with me. I didn't say much, but once again, Lewis caught my look. Not that I wanted to hide it, but just didn't want to talk about it.

Good that Ka Ho bought me the DS and actually that would be one of a few period I could relax by playing video games...

I am tired... I really want to take a rest! Let's say.... a Rest that I can be in peace.

Do you believe me?

I am lost...

I have been receiving a lot of negative energies from work. Very discourage and lost.

I am very tired as I have been working days and nights weekdays and weekends. I am not too sure when I am going to burnout...

Today at Sermon, I have been asking myself, What does God want me to do?
To follow him closely
To listen what he say daily
To pray to HIM dearly...

this is something I always keep in mind. That is something I want to do...

I asked him for the forgiveness.

I asked him for the guidelines

I asked him for the directions

I asked him for the protection.

But, I have been too busy, so don't hear what he says to me

But, I have been too lazy, so don't attend fellowship regularly.

I have been thinking to change job since I really can't handle the jobs as it is so draining out my energy.

Where should I get the energy from?

Dear God,

I can't handle my daily life without your help. It is just too much work to be done, and I can't do it. I am very frustated and myself even can tell that I am burning out. Please help me, without you, I just can't handle it fully. I know you are the only source I can get the energy from. Please Lord, save me... I have been thinking to go to hospital lately... don't know why, but just want to go into the hospital and rest. that is one place very quiet and not letting me stressed so much.

I am praying in the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen

My friends, please pray for me as I am really lost in my life direction. I am very tired all the time and don't have the energy to do anything. I want to take some times off. I want to take some days off,... actually I want to take my life off, I want to Rest in Peace.... just so tired.... so tired.... Mentally and physically...

I am sure I can get over this period, bcoz the ABOVE is taking care of me. If not, I know it could be even worse...