Monday, September 15, 2008

My heart is torning apart...


Dear God,
Over the weekend, you keep telling me that I have to learn how to love you, and how to love myself, then I will know how to love. My heavenly father, how long do I need to wait? Please forgive me that I don't know how to love you, and love myself. I just don't have the motive to do so. Please let me know, my LORD.

I am very sad that I like him, but he doesn't like me. It is a typical result. I am trying NOT to accept the truth, but the fact is he doesn't even look at me. He keeps the distance with me. He is away from me. He just doesn't know I am existing. My LORD, you told me that I have to find a Christian. He is not yet, but even he is... he will go for what he is looking for and ignoring me. That is sad. That is heart breaking...

I was looking at the lake in Killarney. It was still water with some ripples. I tried to quiet all down for you. I wanted to listen to you, but my heart was torning apart and I just couldn't help to listen to you carefully. Please forgive me. I believe you are healing me. Whenever I felt upset, you sent angels around me.

When will my "he" come to me? Is he even existed? Maybe you want me to have single life? My heavenly father, I am struggling... I am curious and uncertainty. Am I really this bad that no one even look at me once?

My Lord, please help me. please give me advise on such silly thing. Should I give him up? or should I keep waiting? maybe end up he is not the one... right? I am sad... you know how picky I am. I don't wanna wait. I don't wanna WAIT.... please forgive my stupidty. I am praying in the name of Jesus Christ. ~Amen.

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